Everything to Me

2009-04-16T20:01:00.001+08:00

when the drums come alive.

and when God is proven great once again.

2009-02-14T23:46:00.001+08:00

why is God so good???

2009-01-29T21:06:00.004+08:00

heyhey.. =) im neutral today. lol. had my share of tennis this afternoon. ended up with hand pain again. its such a sore. i actually wanted to go do some work today but ended up reading andplaying drums. and i found a really really cool youtube drummer that frigging drums for like MARIO SONGS OMGG. abit too pro lol. nothing to do, then he go play for those kinda little kid game songs, can u imagine, but its freaking good. like my idol for now. lol. here's a link.

click here

2009-01-26T22:39:00.003+08:00

=)))))))

im happy today again. hmmm i wonder why. today is like visiting.. and i talked with my auntie my uncle and a little to some cousins. not that that's the highlight of the day, but still... its fun somehow. i wonder how long this super high happy mood will keep up. maybe forever??? since im more optimistic now?? hahaa.. i wish

i actually completed like 4 maths questions today on integration and i consider it to be quite a bit. this is because i spent about 3 hours on 4 question in total lmao.. how rusty my integration is.. pfft. how to help others like that. nvm that will give me extra motivation to study rite... :D

i came home in the afternoon after visiting both my grandparents' house. had been slacking and destressing and studying till now. o well, happy cny!

2009-01-26T01:14:00.002+08:00

and because of the ultimate Love of all...

happy new year to everyone =) im kinda sick of hearing "happy niu year", o wells. anyway. miss scary decided to scare me recently. haha and im seriously really scared. haix. what to do...

i had a very wonderful day today. that might explain my mood tonight actually. i was on my mission to infect other ppl wif the high mood and happiness haha. had a really great chat wif jeremy and ruth,though thats not who i spent most of the time talking to. my looong lost cousin ling. lols. okay la not long lost, but very long nv talk 2 u liao rite?? hmm. aiya i havent been blogging for so long that i forgot how to blog. nt sure what else to say. but i had a really great day.

my new year resolution is like to be optimistic in the ways i see things and to spread that to other ppl. as i was talking to ling i realised that i have a really sad view on things. for eg.. i honestly believe that the world is going to end one day. hahaha. and like for egg. when im in a grp/talking to someone, i notice the not so good stuff, which in turn makes me sian and starts the emo cycle. lmao. but i still insist im not emo okay.

im going out wif leo and jy on tues =D yay. get to see leo again. well, that leaves like.. uhh tmr aft and wed aft to study. so much for the 5-day-almost-as-long-as-the-march-hols break. bleh. its over so fast. tmr will be like visiting. and my bro has to be in camp LMAOWTH. a bit sad only right. duno he offend who. yupyup. so.. my study plan for cny WILL NOT FAIL. and so.. for the rest of the cny, i MUST keep up the "good work". so far only stuff i have done is understand ionic equlibirum and read lots of papers in between. and there have been lots of weird times when i felt like playing chinese chess. zomg. what a -.- craze right???? beh.. who cares.

i miss tennis. im scared. im going to be more optimistic. im gona concentrate when i study. and... im not sure if im gona be updating my blog regularly. i guess i had let it die. not sure if i feel like reviving it yet.

anyway, wish all of u guys a great year ahead. for those who's taking A's this year, muGGG hard. for those who have not been very happy mus be more optimistic k??

2008-12-30T23:23:00.002+08:00

and im less than 30 mins away from the last day of 08. looking back, i somehow cant decide whether i'd rather have a less eventful year. heh. weird eh. seasons change, people change. but sometimes its really comforting to know the friend in them still remains.

heh i had the weirdest experience today on my way to the tennis barbecue that coach invited the whole team to. i was in the train, thinking to myself about teenage relationships and whether they're just all bad..? or maybe some people just have bad luck, or perhaps it just shouldnt be taken That seriously. and then when i got out of the train and met my the team, a friend came crying to us. apparently he just broke up with his girlfriend. we couldnt do anything except to watch him sob. and i know that there's nothing we can do anyway. hmmm. so what should i make of it?

and then i promised that i wont take control of this aspect of my life any more, so i guess i dont have to worry so much huh. tmr is watch night and we have stuff planned for the afternoon + dinner + watchnight =D its gona be fun. haven been going out wif sophia sk and rw for some time now. in fact the last time we really went out in this grp was like last year dec. haha cool closing to 2008 imo. hehe. weeeee rw cooking tmr. cross fingers that my stomach stay strong. *mental note: check fire extinguisher.

so merry new year and hope you had a happy christmas

2008-11-26T21:35:00.001+08:00

hmm. i dont feel like blogging. i didnt feel like blogging for the past few weeks. hope i'll want to blog soon. heh.

2008-11-15T08:46:00.000+08:00

probably the last chance i get to blog before i leave SG for training camp. actually i do have alot of things to blog about but i've been lazy especially after release of wotlk like yesterday. hehe, what a queueing experience. anyway..

BYE SG, cya next sun/mon

2008-11-12T20:42:00.002+08:00

because He is the only one that will never fail you.

wah damn happy today. jus came back from tennis outing first went to seoul garden then went to play pool lols. quite funny. okay junlong is freaking hilarious. i think he's seriously there to make people laugh. not the really act funny and succeed kind but juz the blur until can laugh ur a** off. zomg. okay one of the reasons why im in such a high mood is because im super pleased with my preformance in tennis and pool today. tennis was cause i had a new racket and instead i played better than before. expected my performance to drop because its like a new thing. and then pool. I ONLY LOST TO MR KOH (and its by 1 ball and its damn suay, and i was leading) and i won leonardo and junlong. HAHHAA. wooots! im super happy la, im like considerably new to pool and im improving like some crazy ____. okay got pool mus call me okay?

and so... damit i always forget what i wanna blog about. yeh during tennis outing i was quite sian halfway. i was super afraid i drop back into emo mood then sian of everything again. but then i went downstairs (from taka seoul garden) and went to kino and then guess who i met?? shanni hu!!!!! hahaha. she was with her p-school classmate and we had a nice short talk. lol. thx for appearing shanni lmao. okay yeh. and then i was feeling better. so we had a good day. i hope.

mr koh. hmmmp.

and so.. tmr will be having fun with some of my classmates. and i did something which is not really very nice. not proud of it, but cant be helped. sigh. dont ask hor. and to whoever, sorry! okay la it prob isit as bad as i make it sound.

so yeh, jiayan was random last night, and she did some super random things. and it made me quite tickled and a lil happier than before. had a nice chat on the phone. lols. u gota ask her how crazy she was zomg. i never thought she'd do that.

and sat is cell bonding. i realise im only leaving on Sun for the training trip. so maybe i can go for cell bonding YAY. cause like EVERYONE seems to be going. i really dont wana be left out. yups. so...

later

2008-11-11T22:29:00.002+08:00

heyhey! today is a good day. =D

know what, i bought my new racket!!!!!! WOOT. omg. i finally bought my new racket, took me forever to change. k six-one tour. now i got 2 racket sticking outa my bag.. hawt lol.

so yeh. organized class outing successfully. i think got quite alot ppl coming close to 10. damn sian that a few cant come. yiling shuli renice shimin weichang peiting cant make it. damit. how i hope we can find a 1 time fit all. but turnout gona be not bad liao. gonna be really fun.

so how's life? life's been good. i've been surviving well lols. okay actually i dont feel like blogging right now. i'll update another time.

well everything seems to be going fine except for one thing. sigh. i wish friendships were less fragile.

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son". verse keeps popin up in my head.

2008-11-09T00:15:00.002+08:00

i soooo wana change my url! its totally not fitting my mood since like damn long ago. but then im like quite irritated by the fact that i'll have to ask for relinks the moment i do so. and im not sure what to change to now. hahas. and my blogskin is due for change too, although i really like this one (in terms of aesthetic design). its so simple and neat and nice. love it that way <3

and btw thx sk for suggesting the chatting session that we had t'nite. if not i'd be jus going home and feeling normal as usual. now i feel quite... umm how to say. not over the moon. perhaps close to it ba =p i thought tennis outing was tmr afternoon. guess not. i totally have pool mood now. i want to play pooool! ken offered to play wif my tnite but i got discipline okay. cause if i play t'nite i sure wont go church tmr morning cause too tired. im not gona go church for like 2 weeks consecutively after tmr. sooo.. mus go for these 2 days. not like its something boring and tiring anyway. its fun okay. Church rawks. how i wish all my close friends could come wif me. but its jus impossible. i can try thou =D

hmmm.. okay jus a random thought. now i know of 2 bubbled girls. they seem to be always happy. like in the priest's "power word:shield". or maybe the pally's one. its stronger. (if u play wow u'll know what i mean) they're like so happy forever. wahhh wish i can be like them. working hard. its jus such a blessing.

bubbles are such wonderful things eh? heh. makes me think of stuff when i talk about bubbles.

soo.. life goes on. we get happy and sad. we got our good and bad days. next year will be full fledge mugging. we have been discussing how much of a mindless rat race jc is. and how much be neglect our friends more than we should. sigh. i guess it cant be helped. we live in Singapore.

i am happy =)

2008-11-06T19:17:00.003+08:00

yo! haha. tennis today. tennis tmr. wahahaha. i feel tennis high. and i dont have to worry about growing fat. xD maybe i shd start training situps again. getting irked when i look myself in the mirror. but recently apetite is quite low dont know why. usually when im playing this frequently my apetite will automatically increase /shrug

hmmp. jus finish "my sassy girl", hao jie chun xiang. thx debbie tan siping for lending it to me haha. really nice to watch. im starting to think i have everything it takes to become a typical drama addict. I WANT MORE =p hmm what shd i borrow next. u know sometimes i think drama = waste of time. well isnt it true? u probably gain nothing from drama except weird ideas.

anyways, life's fine. a little boring although im packed with stuff to do. WHERE IS THE DECEMBER GANG!!! nowhere to be found this year. "maybe everyone's busy." and another side of me says "stop decieving yourself". sigh. perhaps last year was too good/crazy to happen again.

so.. pretty free in the hols now. maybe im the only one? lols. the way i see it, everyone else is still busy with something. hehe, too bad, im a slacker. anyway, sophia GET WELL SOON!

i havent gone to church at all last week. i dont know whether i can make it this weekend. seems all packed. sigh. stupid ad-hoc events.

the biggest favour.

2008-11-04T20:36:00.002+08:00

yo whats up people. im back.

haha had a long break from blogging caz i really didnt feel like it. blogging helps you reflect in a way, but if it becomes excessive then u'll go crazy. like a certain teacher of mine xD no luh she's not crazy. she's cool okay. probably only some of you will understand what im talking about. so... sophia. you say i blog more during exam than after. thats true. but then its not that reason luh. juz didnt feel like blogging. get well soon k sophia. its painful to watch u talk like that seriously.

well the sun rose again. just as suddenly as it set. you know, when u look at the same things on different days, depending on how u feel, they might look so beautiful or so ugly. its a weird feeling. really. sooo. i guess ur mood really does matter. u know i told some of you that i suspected that i was turning into a girl?? haha. with that incident that i had really bad stomach cramps. and from the irresistable mood swings that i had, it was really enough reason to feel that way. but now im okay. life's good. because its God's gifts.

the book of blessings. i kept it under my drawer. though i've never read it and probably never will, i'm glad its there. hahaha. hmmp. so which of u guys still thinking im emoing huh!

so yesterday was a really nice day. i spent it with my classmates. its such a short 2 years we'll have together. that feeling came again. bleh. i recall how i was close to tears on post orientation night when i thought of this matter. its a really sad thing huh. inevitably people walk in and out of your life. and the problem comes when u know u really cherish them, and u really want to keep them. and u cant. 6p rawks.

pool + table tennis. this combination can never fail to make me high. haha. u can ask yuzheng how meng we played table tennis 1 on 1. from like 8 to 12. play till my legs were wobbly. and i realised that stretching does help. i didnt have any aches today, amazingly. i feel like im getting back my fitness. after Not running for like 2 mths now i think. weichang says he's gona aim for top 20 next year cross country. i dont think im gona do the same thing. takes too much discipline and time. not gona use it there.

so welcome back to my blog. no, im not gona let it die. i juz decided that i should leave my thoughts alone for a while xD

was stuck in black and white. but i knew it'll all end right.

2008-08-26T20:04:00.002+08:00

we're just that silly aren't we?

2008-08-22T16:06:00.000+08:00

You can turn off the sun but I'm still gonna shine.
And i'll tell you why...

2008-08-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

i dont know why i do what i do, but i just have to.

2008-08-20T20:56:00.002+08:00

if it didnt mean so much to me...

then maybe i could just sit down and forget everything and study. been rushing home immediately after school for the pass few days, cause school jus kills me in its subtle ways. its a scary place. and i've been eating too little to feel like jogging, although i have alot of time at home. i came up with this theory that i would feel like jogging if i eat more. and since i havent been eating much these few days i cant get myself to jog. i slept the moment i came home today. like 2-6.30 or something. feels damn good. i want to do my work now. glanced through econs notes. dosent look like something i can make myself study through and still survive. as in, i can understand what they're saying but i just cant get the essays right. i guess thats why i cant do humanities. i study it in a science way, which will just kill me. nvm, i do have plan. its to be so familiar with my other subjects 2 mths before A levels that i can spend the remaining time just memorising model essays. then i can score without having the human's brain. weeeeeeee... hope it works.

i feel so helpless sometimes. sigh.

2008-08-18T16:36:00.004+08:00

its not even funny how much songs can affect the mood sometimes. especially when u pay attention to the lyrics. i guess i finally understand why some adults would control what music the child listens to. cause some songs really remind you of crap.

it actually all fits into pieces. thats the joy of growing. as you grow, you learn and let all the unconnected pieces you've picked up from others come together while still pretty impressionable. and then you make sense of it all, and adopt a mindset that would probably stick with you for life.

and what you take in, what you believe. it shapes your life, whether you like it or not. its actually important to learn to trust the truth. i dont know. isit fair if lets say, when someone gets beaten up so hard in school that he thinks school is an evil place forever?

you know, sometimes we're unsure of ourselves. no matter how much we've grown, how mature we think we are, there's always place for doubt. sometimes we're in between. sometimes we're torn between what to believe and what not to. we lack confidence in ourselves.

at least we know we have people who care, those who would take the time to rescue you from a trench, those who would take the time to lead you out of the darkness. God has blessed us with these people around us.

"there are angels all around us, and they're called friends"

sometimes we're afraid to hurt those who love us to much, and those whom we love. but sometimes we lack confidence in them. should we?

noone has the answer. but one things for sure: you have to try. and then you'll realize. and then you'll see the outstretched hands waiting for you to grab them. and then you'll see Love.

------- Boys Like Girls is emo

2008-08-15T22:59:00.004+08:00

i feel like blogging now, but i dont have much to say actually. lately have been... hmm... i dont feel like studying today, but distracted is not the way i would put it. not sure how to say. its like the lack of urgency and tiredness and laziness and thinking about stuff together. 25% each. maybe a little cause of my weird mood swings which i wouldnt call random.

im so getting my life back. and its gona be less fragile this time. i can feel myself opening up. hahas. stupid thing to say, and blog. but yea. perma-emo just sucks.

trust. faith. patience. perseverance. strength.

noone ever said life is easy. noone ever said the joys of life are easily found. we see challenges and difficulties daily. and yet we are never meant to worry. we are meant to live. how ironic.

"we were meant to live for so much more, but we lost ourselves"

i love my class. yups. okay random. but i do. had Pilate lesson for PE today. some yoga-like thingy for those who dont know. its super slack n super fun. especially the childish stuff we do to make each other laugh. i had a great day today. really, although i might seem as quiet and "emo" as i seem to be for the pass few months. but then again, i maintain, im NOT emo. or at least i try not to be emo all the time =X

it still does hurt me. but im stronger now. thank you again, for letting me in. no idea how much it means.

2008-08-15T18:16:00.000+08:00

breathe in so deep.
breath me in, im yours to keep.
hold on to my words, cause talk is cheap.

and remember me tonight. when ur asleep.

2008-08-12T22:31:00.002+08:00

im reading something that's make me laugh my ass off right now. its sickly hilarious in the seriously sick way.. omgosh... WTHLOLOMFG i wish i could share this with all of you but i guess its not apt. wahahha totally good destress.

anyways yups. today ran around for a while, cause i had to pick up some stuff from kovan area. its actually fun looking for a place that u totally didnt know about solo. the feeling of discovery hahas. i wanted to drop by home and check street directory.com or something but decided against it because its more fun that way. so there i was soloing the whole kovan looking for some road that didnt exist. "desu lane 10" which was apparently a typo of "defu lane 10". screwed haha.

good thing i wasnt too stupid. i sat down for a plate of hokkien mee which is 1mba delicious.. weeee. eating alone is cool. seriously. how often do you get to do that? yeh.. today was a weird day with road running, bookshop scavenging, crazy bike riding at insane speeds. heh. wonder why i had to do all that. maybe i jus like it xD

i had like a million things to blog about 10 mins ago, but when im in front of the comp now, i started describing what i did today. how ----- is that.

anyways yea. how people are not meant to be default emo and occasionally happy. yea. that would really become a problem when ur too used to being sian/emo/thinking about sad stuff. its not only self degenerative but contagious to people around you. and the thing is, unless you wana get out of it, noone can pull you out. but once u stay in there for too long, you kinda get numb, used to it, and lose the will to exit that uncool state. i guess thats what some of my great friends warned me about when i was feeling super down a while ago. im glad i managed to see beyond that.

its hard to speak into someone else life. it takes great will, devotion, strength, influence and persistence. its true. its just so damn hard until sometimes i'd rather convince myself that im just too selfish to care. but when u succeed, u float straight up to cloud 9 =D floating rocks.

k im dozing off in front of my comp. better finish pw and sleep.

2008-08-11T21:21:00.000+08:00

; because He's always there

2008-08-08T18:01:00.002+08:00

and life goes on. i had a great day with few of my classmates after national day celebration today. i think im damn retarded cause whenever i dont feel like doing anything i'll just sleep. and when i "sleep" i get reminded of certain things. im tired.

i want to study. i want to score well. i want to sleep. i want to jog cause i dun wana grow fat. i want to eat. im full. i want to play. i wana spend time with my friends. there's a million things i want to do now. i wonder which would come first. i like being home early. gives me the destressed feeling.

and im off to do my stuff. i realise alot of my friends are weird people. they do unexpected things when faced with difficulties/situations. its hard to put yourselves in their shoes and understand, because sometimes there's jus no rationale. or maybe there is, and we just cant think their way. i dont know. i guess thats what u get for mixing with weird people. hahas. maybe im weird too? who knows.

2008-07-31T18:21:00.002+08:00

and life is full of ups and downs, smiles and frowns, trails and bounds and laughs and sounds. and if its not time, then there's no use forcing things, cause things have their own ways of happening. there's only so much we can do, but so much more we can see through it all.

and i cant get over how silly it was for my distant cousin to just commit suicide just like that. hahs. and im getting all lazy maybe because i've lost the motivation to study. i dont know. i want to run. i want to play. i want to sleep. i dont want to study. i dont want to think. but its not up to me.

and tmr is friday. i hope it would be a good day.

so raise your hands to heaven and pray...

2008-07-30T21:54:00.002+08:00

s i g h. project work. mugging for promos. is promos really that important? then again, what's Supposed to be more important (and urgent if i might add) than that? probably nothing. and another day's pass and im still here. the same.

nowadays its like when i sleep late i have an excuse to be tired during the day. and when i dont, i sleep too much and still try to make an excuse for myself. why am i always tired.

and i heard news that my counsin's cousin or my distant cousin who i dont really know commited suicide. he was a uni kid. i think its kinda silly. i mean even if it feels like your world is ending thats the worst thing to do. its not your right to end your own life whenever you want to. not something i would do. well at least i dont really know the person so i dont feel much. but its kinda sad dont you think? because of relationship problems the guys life got totally destroyed, literally. there's so much more to live for.

but knowing this dosent make it easier to lift your own spirits when you're down. because it simply feels like there's no reason to be happy, as much as you know its not true.

things happen for the weirdest reasons. i guess we all have to take things within our stride. and not build big and fanciful bubbles that might burst anytime. i think im gona suffer from bubble phobia or something. its been quite a few days.

i have so much to say. and yet there's never time. because its probably not worth hearing. i guess. but if you ever need to talk then im willing to listen. and if you ever feel like listening then i will talk.

oh jus to sidetrack i realised i got the listener genes from my mom lolx. sometimes i think i really understand my mom, the feeling when someone whom you really care about has so little time for you. you're born listener yet the one you care about wont talk. weird parallel to draw, but yea.

days grow longer and nights grow shorter...

2008-07-27T21:29:00.004+08:00

i ran about 8k today. its cool. jus running.

i think i overexerted myself. and there's tennis tmr. i almost felt like throwing up when i came home. hahas stupid of me. not knowing my limits. i just kept running. there was nothing telling me to stop so i jus ran to plmgs area to hougang mall then back home through kovan.

its a weird feeling.

oh yea yesterday i went to peirong's church with sk and sophia. was a damn cool experience getting to see how the church does things. and the sermon is super. the pastor, who was i duno from which european country, spoke in super chim english and in poems and rhyming words. siao. first time i have seen such a way of preaching. and the thing is the words are so true and so touching. i wouldnt want to miss it.

and tmr is mon. and its phy test. and i studied okay, but i dont think im gona do well. because its those kinda partial studying that u might get lost anytime when you read the question. no confidence cause there's nothing to be confident about. read through the books for the sake of reading.

tell me if this is what you want. because thats all you'll have to do. then at least you will be happy.

2008-07-24T19:58:00.003+08:00

i lost myself in the fog.

i can still remember what i feels like to be truly carefree from the inside, emitting the "happy aura" to those around me. it felt good. "wah sian go home still have to do homework." when thats the most worrying thing on your mind, then you're probably really carefree. then again, there's also the "empty", which is another thing i wont wana let myself fall into. its a good thing. that i can still remember how it was, because if i cant, then i probably am numb.

i think im not strong enough. too weak to help someone else out. too unstable to be able to let them see things the way i truly believe them to be... and then i recall, i once learnt that in order to help someone, you need to be on higher ground. or else it would jus be blind leading the blind, futile. you wont be able to influence people if ur in a mess. thats a fact.

perhaps im that much a lousier friend because im still lost. perhaps im that much less a pleasure to be with. perhaps i have that much less shine than i used to. perhaps thats what u saw in me? and i dont have it now. perhaps i need to really get myself back.

i always thought i could get out whenever i wanted to. but i might be wrong. what would happen when u stay within the fog for too long? would you get numb and get used to it, and forget how to get out? or maybe lose the will to get out? because you no longer see a point in being happy again.

is it time to pick myself up?

sometimes i think im like an open book, so easy to read. it dosent take a close friend to see that there's something wrong with me. i feel it too in the reflection of their eyes, my friends eyes, my classmates eyes. there's the "where's the derrick that was here before gone..." kinda look. or maybe its "what on earth can be so serious that it screwed you up so bad?" but im always fine. i still am. and i always have been. and i've been talking less, and people have been talking to me less. because my mood has "stay away from me" written all over.

if only things were so easy. that whenever i want to , i can be. a great friend of mine reminded me that sometimes you need "some kinda conclusion" to be able to get back. and i think its true, else i wont recover from the wreck. its not something that u can pretend to do. i was never good at pretending anyway, so...

but for now, im still lost. and im still looking for the way i want to go. the things i have to do. and i i wanna thank my really great and dependable friends for staying with me through it all. i really really love you guys and i wont be sure if i could pull thru this period of time without your care and concern surrounding my always. i wont start to name names although im tempted to. but i think you know who you are.. if ur thinking like "uhhh maybe he's referin to me, wait maybe not" then i probably am. so thank you =) thanks for being there.

"you look a little different in school nowadays. last time you would have that happy aura! now like a bit of the sian and sleepy aura :x" it really struck me, this sentence. its not like i wasnt aware, but it jus spoke to me, somehow.

and i guess that's the danger, thats the trap. and i walked right into it. and fell.
twice.
and i WILL get back.
stronger. wiser.
but i will still have my 100 percent to give.
and my mind is still as firm as always.

2008-07-21T17:42:00.002+08:00

i miss having things to read that would really brighten my day.

somehow i'm not really looking forward to end of promos like i should be. im afraid i cant get myself to study wholeheartedly in time. im worried i dont have my life under control like i thought i had.

i dont understand some things that are done, yet i dont dare ask. because it shows that i'm thinking of something that i shouldnt. and i probably am.

not showing it wont help me much, but i wont show it. im getting better at "smiles" =) somehow i knew some day i would need it.

i feel empty. i need something to be sure about. just something. anything. i need to be certain about things that i care for.

it seems not possible.

and. i am not emo.

=)

2008-07-17T19:48:00.002+08:00

im sorry, and i wana thank my really great friends who have been there for me through it all. im sorry that my unsettling mood has affected you guys even if its to the slightest extent. i really acknowledge that i need you guys. and if i didnt have u all i'll probably be rotting at some corner now. i wish i can get back my cheerful self and be able to help liven things up like i used to. but now i cant anymore. i need to somehow find a way to get things a little better first. =(

and.. for those ppl who asked or are asking in their heads now whether im okay. i'd like to say i am. i really am. no worries k? im stronger than that.

faith.trust.patience.perseverance.strength.
of all who cares for me, its you i want to see.

2008-07-13T21:43:00.008+08:00

clear as the glass, crystal at last.
its all sealed shut, a dispelled facade.

i know what to do, i'll do it for you.
on with our lives, and i will survive.

till that day... unmoved i will stay.

S people are afraid of change. they love stability. they aim for stability. they take longer than others to adapt. but they will adapt eventually. they seek cooperation. they cant stand conflicts. they put others first. they first blame themselves when things go wrong. they take time to make important decisions. they stick to them.

2008-07-11T23:47:00.006+08:00

hmm haven been very well lately. must have been late nights and lack of sleep. and overdosage of thinking too much. its really taking its toll on me. im sorry for the things that i've done that hasnt been me. i really know i should be behaving like i have, but i just cant help it. im trying hard. but all my efforts just slip down the drain and vanish whenever i get afraid. sorry to all my friends who care =( im trying.

i know what's the situation,
i know what i should do.
i know what's best for me,
and i know whats best for you.

but when i start contemplating,
im not so sure anymore.
if i could put things on stall,
and just forget it all...

no thats not what i want,
cause i hold it all too dear,
but where would i find the strength,
to keep myself from tears?

thinking makes you certain. and certainty is really reassuring. but sometimes thinking too much is really a killer. it makes you lose control. i guess im not so strong.

im sorry for the retarded stuff i did and said and asked. really shouldnt have let my emotions get the better of me. just wanna let you know im trying REAL HARD and im really sorry.

2008-07-09T21:58:00.002+08:00

jus came back from helping kiral with the kids at lavender mrt area. i duno how to call them but they're really nice and smart. never knew handling kids could be this much fun, always thought they would have to be troublesome. ya i made like 2 new friends and they asked for me no. and i was like gg.. shd i give or not. the at the end avoided the topic and never got back to it. then when they asked me whether i was coming back next week, i duno what to say. i really feel like going back if im free. but then kiral is like passing over the project to someone else next week or something hmmmp.

well at first i was kinda sian of going cause i was thinking i could have used the night for other things which i wana do more. but i guess it was not that bad. i totally didnt regret going, and we had fun. kiral, adon and me. haha. seriously the kids are cool k?

hmm okay there's still like work to do here and there. ilp for one, and i got a list of about 5 uncompleted tasks on the book. btw i started using the diary book thingy again cause i probably have to write my daily tasks down since im starting to get serious. remember its like 80 plus days to promos. and for those people/person who promised me they will work hard, must work hard k? so far doing fine ba. we've all evolved into really loyal muggers after goal setting and everything. i cant believe i actually attempted to set goals. its like the sky falls down if it works properly.

and my blocks results.. gona be like A C S S S or something.. haha weird. debbie was like telling me how jiannan said that her grades were spelling her name. D... E... so next 2 she will get B and B la.. wahaha so good. lolx =.= really super funny. if she gets B and B i will lose my sizzler treat then i gg. and.. if i get above E or something i will owe someone else a sizzler treat.

and 10 promises to my dog is SUPER SUPER SUPER NICE AND TOUCHING MUST WATCH. omgosh for all those dumdums out there who havent watched it, its like compulsory to watch it this weekend k? lolx. its probably the best movie there is this year (in the touching kinda genre). yah. and kenneth daryl and i had a nice chat during youth day at night.

i do treasure my friendships, really. and i need to express it more. sometimes i jus feel randomly empty. but i know i shouldnt cause its not true. i just cant help it. at least i know that God is always there looking out for me even if the whole world seems to distant. <3 Him

put on hold
it feels so cold
thoughts untold
till it all unfolds

will i be ready?

2008-07-07T08:48:00.001+08:00

i can wait forever... if you say you'll be there too.

2008-07-03T20:08:00.002+08:00

omgosh i rawk or what. i completed my eom is 3 hours and im super proud of it. that despite me being in a disgustingly not so good mood today (at least i find how i handled it disgusting la). hahas, i guess at least thats something to celebrate. sometimes i hate myself for not being able to control my emotions. like how im not supposed to feel this way. how i know im not suppose to do certain things though i do feel this way, but i still do it. its just crap. like DISC taught me, I have to accept that at many times, not urself, not others, not anyone is perfect.

thats what i get for being an S - C i guess. and i love my presents from all of my friends out there. especially the book about blessings, seriously. i cant be more surprised. and of course, small little smoked salmon giving me two cartons of milk to bring around plaza singapura. that was interestingly cool too ^^

hmmm. im not sure what i should do now, maybe read newspaper. its amazing how i manage to concentrate when im feeling this way, i guess im learning. not sure if i can read newspaper now though. i'll try. cya

2008-07-02T21:15:00.002+08:00

yoo.. today is my bday. and im very happy today. because of alot of things. my great friends and everyone. just so glad that we could all celebrate together. ya, better than expected actually. i didnt really have anything much in mind, because im used to mundane birthdays which usually noone remembers.

makes me wonder what will happen 1 year down the road. makes me worried sometimes, although i know that as long as i dont be my own hero, i should be a better person by then, growing always, beacuse He is always leading my path (and i need constant reminder of that, really). there's been a few worrying things going on amids the happy moments. things that i would rather not talk about here.

i guess now that im being brought back to the reality of school work and my real life, im getting more pressured and stressed out. when i see how busy im gona be in the next few weeks, and how little time i have to do the things that i really want to do, i feel like its too much for me to handle. i feel like just going to sleep. sometimes i dont know what to do. except to try my best. i dont like being stressed. really sucks. and u knwo what they say, a S person (in DISC) goes to sleep when he's feeling stressed. ya..

and im worried for my friend and my friend. sometimes the among all the things i can and will do to help, the best thing is to pray.

anyway,

thank You for today,
thank you all for today

and i cant emphasize enough on how happy today has been because of you. and i want to thank you for all the happy and sad times we shared in the past and all the happy and sad times we're gona have in the future. and for the chance to be here at this moment, for the chance to be there for you when you need me, for the chance to shine for you..

2008-07-02T00:16:00.002+08:00

happy birthday to me,
happy birthday to me,
happy birthday to boyang and maychew,
happy birthday to the twinsssss

yay =)

thanks for the really on time bday wishes guys.
thanks for being there.

and thank you for being here for me.

2008-06-30T20:54:00.003+08:00

please tell me. even if its not i wana hear, please just talk to me.

its painful
i will never let you go
im not that strong, you know.
i'll stand up with you forever,
but no matter what
i'll be there for you through it all...

even if savin you sends me to heaven.

2008-06-28T20:10:00.002+08:00

you know sometimes live's full of turns. and the things is, you cant make wrong turns or correct turns. because the turns you make will seem wrong/correct at different times when you look at it. there would be points in time that you would regret what you've done a lot, but at the end if the day, if you just trust God to lead the path, nothing can be more reassuring. its ironic that when we take matters into our own hands, it u would feel safe and assured, yet thats the worse path you can take. who knows, a wrong turn might be part of a bigger plan that He has for you.

we should live life without regret. and work on the things that matter most to us. look forward. you'll never know what comes next. if we had a rewind button to our lives, we would all be stuck at the first happy moment that we had. and we will never get to see the many better things lined up for us to claim.

if only life was breezy and love was easy...

2008-06-25T23:48:00.002+08:00

haha todaes kinda ccool. firstly cause maths was quite good. wasnt as hard as any of us expected. surprisingly i could do all of the questions, although some careless mistakes were already spotted all over. but it dosent matter i guess. its just a nice change from the feeling you get after you take that stupid physics paper. its the first time i ever felt like totally giving up and sleeping during the exam. and then if you havent taken that paper, you can go imagine how disgusting it is. blehhh~

today's a very good day. mostly mugging today ba.. but its too slack to be considered mugging cause someone decided to pay me a visit. haha.. so yea, studied for like 1 hour in the whole afternoon ba? other than that slacked around talk n stuff. and surprisingly there was time for a short nap. super refreshing =D yah.. kinda had energy left to do some serious mugging at night, for about 3 hours i was really practicing chem there. quite a feat, considering how un-seriously i take this block tests. i thought i wanted to get super good grades, but i guess i changed my target halfway. too tiring to work hard for every single test. after all, block TEST is jus a test right...?

k im probably gona sleep soon, cause i have to wake up early tmr. kinda all ready for chem ba, except for the fact that my explanation questions and my thermodynamics definitions are still not quite clear. that can probably be done tmr. ya, so no worries. i like how im taking the BTs now, so carefree.. haha and its over before i notice, jus like how it started.

and im gone. cya

and thank you back at ya

2008-06-23T11:40:00.002+08:00

its 1 hour and 10 mins before the econs block test now. and im here blogging in front of my com. wierd huh. my parents came home so i wont have to like go to sch myself, or else i would have been on the bus by now. i was trying to figure out what i should do to "relieve stress" and be ready for the exam, instead of studying all the way through. i dont believe in chionging like crazy at the last minute. imo it'll all get cluttered up somewhere up there and wont help anyway, and not like its guaranteed that whatever you read 10 mins before the test will come up. i think i know my stuff quite okay.

edit: wanted to post this at like 11.50am but then the com hanged on me.. heh.. so ya. here i am. econs sucked quite a bit. and im trying not go care. maybe i'm succeeding. i hope. haha. yup. i had a great time today after econs. its jus times like that that recharges my energy so that i can carry on with stuff sometimes. stuff which i care most about. i duno studies just dosent seem to be that high up in my priority list, though i wont ever screw it up. its jus that kinda feeling duno how to explain. like although i might be like "DIE LA EXAM IN FEW DAYS HAVEN START PHY/CHEM" but in my heart im really... its jus an exam. g then pick it up again next time. i do that mostly to xia zi ji only. not saying for fun luh. i guess thats what i've learnt throughout the years of studying ba. and it has served me well so.. haha

haha yunheng damn funny =D its okay... we all have such moments some time right?

haaaix... mugging for phy. at least no more humanities ba.. and thebest thing is NO MORE CHINESE WOOT xDDD im like still freaking happy about the fact that chinese exams are history for me.. oh damn im losing the ability to speak chinese liao. sianzz. duno who's fault.. xD

kk.. i better go eat then mug now. nowadays i super greedy la. like one day mugging the snacks i eat can reach: 8 slices of normal loaf bread, 3 cups of milo, 4 marks and spencers biscuit, 4 of the "puffs" thingy from marks and spencers and of course my 3 meals. waaaa kong bu rite?? so i mus go jogging. too bad tmr no time. sian half. k nvm sooon. after blocks i sure jog like noone's business. sumore my napfa haven take yet. die.

k off to eat n mug. cya.

i must say no matter what happens in the future, i'm glad i handled things the way i did. because it makes you happy.

2008-06-22T13:14:00.003+08:00

when i see your smile,
tears run down my face.
i cant replace...
now that im stronger i've figured out,
how this world turns cold,
and breaks through my soul and i know...
i'll find, deep inside me,
i can be the one

i will never let you fall,
i'll stand up with you forever.
i'll be there for you through it all,
even if savin you sends me to Heaven.

its okay, its okay. its okay...

seasons are changing
and waves are crashing
and stars are falling all for us.
days grow longer and nights grow shorter,
i can show you i'll be the one

i will never let you fall,
i'll stand up with you forever.
i'll be there for you through it all,
even if savin you sends me to Heaven.

cause you're my, you're my...
my true love, my whole heart
please don't throw that away.
cause i'm here... for you...
please dont walk away and,
please tell me

YOU'LL STAY... ...

USE ME AS YOU WILL
PULL MY STRINGS JUST FOR A THRILL
AND I KNOW I'LL BE OKAY
THOUGH MY SKIES ARE TURNING GREY...

I WILL NEVER LET YOU FALL,
I'LL STAND UP WITH YOU FOREVER.
I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU THROUGH IT ALL,
EVEN IF SAVIN YOU SENDS ME TO HEAVEN...

I WILL NEVER LET YOU FALL,
I'LL STAND UP WITH YOU FOREVER.
I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU THROUGH IT ALL,
EVEN IF SAVIN YOU SENDS ME TO HEAVEN...

2008-06-17T12:34:00.002+08:00

havent blogged for sometime. recently dun haf mood to blog. most of it is cause blocks are nearing and i've yet to do much. so i have to rush a little. and another part of me dosent wana blog because i cant really say how i really feel here. in times where everything's pretty normal, blogging is cool, cause all you write is pretty much (i wouldnt wana call it crap, but ya) crap. i mean, they're quite fun to write, and some people find them quite fun to read, but then you dont actually get to say our ur true worries n stuff.

i guess my closer friends would be able to like figure out what's happening in my life through the subtle signs i give unintentionally, but thats probably not the point. cause its kinda hard sometimes when u feel as if you wana spill everything out, but then again you realise that its a public domain. so... yea.. weird contradictory feeling. hmmm.

church camp was great. not in the "wow we had loads of fun" way, but i must really say that its an experience i'll won't want to miss. ya.. and now its all mugging for blocks. i need to chiong now. quite screwed. so.. ya. no time to blog...

and i got drums now, so cya

2008-06-10T21:00:00.004+08:00

hmm okay this sarks a little. i jus typed a post and it vanished. okay nvm. cut it short.

ran just now, luckily it didnt rain heavily like what's happening now. kinda overexerted myself a litltle. i felt like dying when i came back, lie on the floor and didnt move for like 15 mins. wierd feeling. but im probably making it sound more serious than it is. i guess i didnt jog for too long. and i pushed myself too hard. the feeling of running your fastest is really quite shiok.

off to KL tmr. its like the first time in my life that im going to 2 diff places in one holiday i think. you yi dian dian de sad right?

im happy and sad at the same time. happy that so much happened. happy that im going to KL tmr. VERY happy that i got my 15 mins every night xD sad that i gota leave sg again, sad that im having less and less time to study.

kk cya all

i will never let you go, i'll stand up with you forever. i will be with you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heavens...

2008-06-09T13:15:00.002+08:00

hmm.. wo xi huan zhe yang wu you wu lu de gan jue. i feel =) now, juz got the damn shuang mood. i realised that sometimes i can study outside sometimes i cant. but i know that my room is still the best.

although BT is coming up like SUPER SOON, and that school is going to reopen, AND im going church camp so that means even less time to study, i somehow managed to dao the urgency of the issue. somehow...

i guess its a good thing from my perspective, cause to me, worrying sucks. i love the way i dao certain stuff that shouldnt be dwelled upon too much, especially studies. but when the time comes i'll probably chiong very effectively. and guess what, i think the time has come. cause if i still dont chiong i will really die, and my "daoing" will become the reason why i would have scored shyttily for blocs. and im not about to do that.

speaking about dao, some things i really cannot dao. and i cant exactly act very well. things thats gota do with emotions, hehe somebody knows that damn well. but im glad that everything turned out the way it should be. i really am. i was kinda worried that i would flunk my Bts because i couldnt get sadness out in time, but looks like thats not gona happen. im really quite happy now =D THANKS ALOT!

i guess things still need alot of attention, even if they may seem great at the moment. im about to give it all i got, because its worth it. at the same time, i need to remain a balance person.. bleh, sounds though. but for now, its Bts first.

k actually the more i think about stuff the more cluttered i become, so im probably jus gona stop blogging here. i got lots more to write but it wont be here. and after that its studying time xD must get ready to embrace the shuangness of having spent a fruitful afternoon studying. begin with the end in mind yeh? got the mood mus chen ji chiong

2008-06-06T20:20:00.002+08:00

yo, first time im really blogging after i came back from nepal. i can hear Singapore saying welcome back to me haha. really, the feeling of coming back is really very welcoming, mostly because i had some not so good times in nepal. but then again, on the trip, other than the bad times, it was really fun. totally didnt regret going. i got some new friendships that look like they will last, and also old friendships that strengthened alot. and its kinda all thanks to those times that i had to go through. those who went nepal will know that when i was there, sometimes i was abit siao, and bu dui jing. but thats not the real me. one thing i must say is that i dont kope well during bad times. im not the type that can hide everything with a forced smile. well i guess thats a blessing in disguise sometimes? but i make my friends worry, o well.

i did quite alot of reflection in a different form. not those official reflection to hand in kind, not blogging, but in the form of angel and mortal letters. the game this time was surprisingly fun. its probably because i got an awesome someone to write to. u rawk. hahaa. alot of time was spent writing letter, but it was all worth it.

honestly im kinda happy to be back in Singapore. its kinda a break from alot of things. but i also missed the kids and people there. they are all so cute. seriously. if you were there u'd know what i mean. but i guess i dont miss them as much as some of my other friends. i wasnt very proficient at teaching, so... ya. LOL

and we camwhored quite alot. but im not surprised cause they were mostly orchestrated by profession whore-rs like debbie. she used almost finish like 2 gig of space and duno how many packs of batteries (including mine) for her camera. zai anot. maybe some of you can beat that, but thats besides the point. hmm i got alot of nice photos and unglam photos. maybe once they're up i can post them or something.

and one thing strange is i started speaking more chinese. i think its quite cool because i've never been chinese-ish ever since forever. like whenever i speak in my own free time its english. and its always been like that except for chinese lessons. but during nepal suddenly like something triggered my chinese cells and booom. woow. all my classmates were pretty impressed today, although some of them still insists its weird. i dun care if its weird, but wow i speak chinese. do you know how high an activation energy barrier is there for that to happen? sometime really big must have happened to trigger it right? lol

thought alot during the camp and learnt super alot of stuff. especially in the area of interpersonal relationships. i shall not like go into boring details like each day of the camp or each activity. but yea, thats about all im gona blog. im kinda rethinking the point of blogging. because i cant really reflect probably on a public domain right? mostly its jus ranting and writing crap, that apparently some ppl will read. ^^ thanks to all those reading my blog out there cause, i duno why u do so. LOL. but its cool

k off to running, and most rush poster by tonight. omg sk frigging left me to do all the work! cya

2008-06-05T22:16:00.004+08:00

Dear God,

i surrender. i dont understand,
i'm jus a sitting, staring, watching your plans.

what comes next, i wont know,
and its not like i can control.
i guess i'll jus let matters flow,
all the way till things unfold.

as ironic as things can be, i'll jus follow through
tell me what to do, and then i'll do it for you.

please...

leaving for nepal

2008-05-23T19:49:00.003+08:00

haha.. hmm. in less than 12 hours i will be on a plane heading for nepal frm sg. its like 5 hours flight. not that long right.. i think i will miss my music.. the last time i went to mongolia when i came back the first thing i relished so much was music and maggie. haha.. maggie prolly cause of the memories of rationing maggie and treating it like super good food, since its a good change from our biscuits. but i guess this time it will be less though, since its not meant to be a camp.

wah my body aching frm tennis. never played for so long, today played damn well.. i think if i play at my standard in tornament i can get one point off ACJC sia.. haha. i hope the aches will go away quick, cause im gona be labour very soon. u know we're actually going there to teach the kids english. why do i have a feeling we're gona screw it up. im like in charge of the year ones. omgosh, i bet its a pain to try to make them understand you... haha dun care jus hope it will be fun for both them and us.

haix today i had to pon jts to come home and pack and rest early. i dun like. i really really wanted to go jts especially cause i missed the tennis barbeque at coach's house. its like one of the last times that we will get to go out wif seniors officially as a team.

okay, today i feel super inspired. cause i bet with debbie about the block test score. whoever scores worse will treat the other a sizzler meal.. 20+ leh.. not a small sum. sooo.. i MUS WIN hahahaha. especially when debbie keep saying that i dumb!!~ i mus prove to her... i think she's soooo gona lose 20 bucks hehehe. and... i got reminded by my dad that my bro got S for his GP. damit i want to score well, but then at this rate, im gona fail too. i seriously gota do something to improve my gp. im gona like try to start reading newspapers when i get home. and i mus not let this inspiration fade away before i come back!

sumore i have only like 1.5 weeks back at home to study 5 subjects: P - C - M - E - GP. luckily i dont have H1 chinese haha. i will seriously chiong like siao. damn determined liao. kkk MUSS

i pack my bags finish liao. surprisingly light. i fit all the shyt thats meant for 12 days into my tennis bag + one damn damn light handheld bag (i think like 2kg or something) wah i rawk. no wonder melinda was like saying that the luggage was damn light. im considerably excited about the trip. (oh no i sound damn sian) actually i not sure how i feel oso. i shd be excited right? i was.. jus lidat lor... but its cool, it really is.

so... BYE TO SG, OFF TO NEPAL....!! cya all in 12 days..

and then soon i'll be off to church camp.. haha cant wait for THAT one

2008-05-19T22:01:00.002+08:00

back frm playing mahjong. haha.. it was a cool day. first went for drums, then ended up at junyang's house. okay its damn lame im not gona describe what happened when i tried to direct debbie to junyang's house and how i ended up almost getting lost instead. hahhaa, cause its kinda no point, since i have no confidence of describing it in a clear and interesting way.. haha. sometimes i admire people who can jus express their words so well that everyone understands and gets interested, even if it can be a super mundane topic.

anyway, played weiqi and dota with zehong, and other than that, chionged abit of mahjong. today wasnt the meng mahjong kinda day that i expected, but nonetheless it was fun. cause the mahjong table that i was in, with porhow, zhijie and renice was kinda slow and we didnt play money, so was quite sian. at least renice learnt more about mahjong i guess, lol. ended up listening to songs. it was damn fun lar... singing together, and laughing at renice when she unintentionally sings the harmony instead of the tune. wah but like that not bad leh, for harmonizing talent.. haha =X

i wouldnt say today was super super fun, but im quite happy with what i did today, it was totally the holiday mood. i guess its like pre-holiday before we go off to nepal to do CIP haha. i loooove holiday feeling luh. especially when it comes as a break frm busy school schedule. yea, after everyone left when it was just me and junyang, we jus had a super slack n shuang time. i really really enjoy the slack mood. cause we were like watching tennis and eating hawker food at the top story where the tv room is, and... its airconed. feels as if im in a hotel.. hahaha damn shuang i jus remembered that before holiday starts, i must complete copying all the notes and catching up with whati need to catch up. its like at least two topics per subject, thats pretty alot. but im confident that i can finish.

yesterday was at the library doing pw. haha, guess what. we only managed to find like 3 sources for our eom.. at least we got like 5-7 to work on for our wr. quite an okay achievement lah, although if you asked me was quite slack. when everyone had to leave, renice and i had a nice talk. haha it was distracting to our work progress, but i guess it made the whole day much more interesting and worth it.. (at least for me luh) i would be damn sad if i were to return home without that last part of our "pw researching" cause i would feel as if i had done nothing in that day. i guess it shows what i value most at this current point of time. but its kinda cool when you learn more about your friends, dont you think?

k im about to go and sleep and get ready to wake up tmr to a relatively exciting day.. my plan for tmr is like... lessons... then tennis/copying notes, do PIP project (wif zhonghong), and then go home do econs essay( the one that's on smb, hope its not really my fault alone that everyone had to do it). okay fine, its not that an exciting day, but at least i'll pretend it is. in fact, whether my day is good has little to do with what i plan to do. for me, its how things turn out, like whether i suddenly turn emo that day. okay it sounds damn dumb, i guess u wont know what im talking about. anyway, yups. hope tmr is a nice day. night

2008-05-13T20:17:00.002+08:00

yoooooooooooz. haha didnt go to school in the morning... the feeling is priceless! u know its a weekday morning and you know you dont have to wake up early. omgosh.. seriously.. shiok!! haha im a bad boy. i ponned school!! haha anyway term finishing liao so must use up the 2 times parents letter per term. hahaha melinda's idea. i jus ks-d it and enjoy being at home.

today i was damn dumb. i wanted to go school in the afternoon but not sure when. so after talking wif debbie i decided to go to school jus before nepal meeting. cause i woke up only at 10am, and i realised if i jus go school for physics/chem lessons, i would defeat the whole purpose of ponning to study =X (crap i hope my teacher's dont see this) so at the end wif much persuasion from debbie my dear son, i decided to go at like 4pm luh. honestly i felt like jus not going for the whole day, anyway u pon for like the morning liao go back for what? abit stupid rite. rationally anyone would tell me to jus stay at home the whole day. but then.. haaah. there i go leaving on a bus (i thought tru it ALOTT) and when im on the bus i got an sms like "if you dun wan come den nvm lor". wahhh that kinda feeling is really bu hao shou lor. okay while reading this u might not understand at all, but i jus have to rant about it. on the bus i was seriously mentally blowing things out of proportion, like how these little things sometimes show alot about the condition of a friendship.

okay 4get it, i conclude that i jus think too much, period. so yea when i got there the 6p/nepal gang was at class bench. was quite happy i came =) well a small part of it was cause the briefing was a little less boring than i expected, and another part of it was seeing yiling,renice n gang's shocked faces to see a crazy me come to school at such a wierd hour. hahahahaha. im seriously mad. anyway, jus came back from eating pizza hut curry baked rice. wah the feeling is cool. the super spicyness, i was spamming my ice peach tea while eating. hahaha. cant believe i survived the whole portion with only 1 cup of peach tea from the start. weeeeee i love such 1j/2j mini gatherings.. haha its so cool that after so many years we're still close friends/back to close friends again. then again, when i was sec1/2 i never thought anything about friendship, its jus whatever grp of friends who i could have fun with. junyang and porhow hahahaha.

okay, physics test tmr. wow. surprisingly, i felt as if i've studied enough. in my impression i havent done forces, but when i flip open the notes just now on the bus, i realise i understand most things quite thoroughly. and for work,en,power i already completed the whole tutorial sometime ago. and for circular motion, my morning and early afternoon should be enough. all geared up for tmr. but if i really wana get an A i guess i still mus go spam a little 10 year series, which is what i plan on doing after i post

was jus reading yilings blog.. it read smth like "nothing much to blog about but i shall blog anyway".... then i was thinking, how on earth do you have nothing to blog about??? for me its only dun feel like blogging. i mean, every small thing in life that happens happens for a reason, and has alot of implications when u think about it. i mean, yea u cant post ur deepest thoughts online, but then u are bound to have things to blog rite... well unless of course ur one that dosent think much at all, which is really cool in a sense, cause u wont have to worry bout much. maybe its jus cause i think too much about everything.

haha okay out of point, recently i feel as if im getting slower. like in xiangqi, bridge, weighing pros n cons about what to do in real life situations. nowadays i think and think and confuse myself. haaaah. getting stupider.. anyway, i need to go start doing physics now, i wana score well. hope all of you out there frm hc doing physics now are having an okay time. hahaha (wont use the word good) cYa

2008-05-11T23:08:00.002+08:00

hmmm. after last night, i think im kinda liking chinese songs. is that a miracle or what? there was a time when i thought i'd never ever listen to any chinese song agian juz cause i disliked chinese so much. but i noticed the difference in mood that english and chinese songs create. i think im missing something that only chinese songs can give =) im gona start downloading the nice chinese hits when i have the time.

haaha yesterday i came home at 4am LOL.. is that retarded or what?? all jonsoh's fault lmao. we were all about to go home then he made everyone stay for a drink/desert. after a while we decided to go to "white tangerine", a cafe at the cc. omgosh the performers there were damn damn damn pro. i think they can frigging become recording artists already. there was the 2 singers. the guy had a damn soothing voice damn suited for singing chinese soothing songs. wow. but imo the girl had the typical bright chinese recording artsist voice.. like yu3heng2 (if you know who's that, cause she dosent seem to be that popular) im quite glad that we stayed back to slack cause that performance was really really cool. leo, ruiwen and yaohui left and jon still wanted to watch, so we ended up at white tangerine till like 10+ when the performers left. after which we roamed around like some neighbourhood ahbeng haha.. we were actually worried that we would get beaten up by them at such a late hour. lol. ended up with me and jonsoh playing pool from 12 to 2plus, and then we walked to my house to sleep.

hmmp. and then, we woke up at 3pm hahaha. our biological clocks are all screwed up now. my pw grp was supposed to meet up at the lib this weekend to do some research and then study, but then when i overslept, noone called or anything, so i assume noone remembered.. baaah~ anyway i got no face to call back to ask cause i skipped pw for roaming in the streets.

dont try to fix the broken dim lamp yourself, jus exchange it with Him

2008-05-09T23:21:00.002+08:00

yiling: yupyup.. my chem test results. im damn happy wif it. im gonna pwn physics test too, but i screwed econs up.. so.. all equals out to nothing.. haha sun wan come study wif us? renice n the rest of my pw grp going nlb to study after we finish our researching...

hehe jus came back from watching rioHC performance. i must say its damn frigging cool. not disappointing at all. damn nice lah... ruiwen, jiamin, melissa, you guys were great =) haha u all make me feel like quitting tennis and joining choir =p

oh yea, and econs. i think im gona fail again. when i go around comparing answers, most people have a totally diff ans frm me. and mine is probably wrong. soo.. haha too bad. im gona try score my best for physics. actually all these small test are jus to keep myself in track and prove to myself that i can do it if i try. kinda silly huh.. but thats the way i treat it. so like when ppl come along feeling sad caz they do badly for a test, i know how u feel, but then cant blame me if i jus say "nvm" rite? cant help it. but seriously if i were the other person i might have thought myself as qian bian.. hahas.

omg i tio "002 - Reaching the Mountain Top - Understanding Self and Managing Your Life" sabatt. sian, never even tio wakeboarding or what.. my 2nd choice was bowling oso dun haf. sian lo, but i think its quite okay lah.. this one. i think it will be damn useful, but then i scared noone go wif me. mus go there make new friends haha.

i've been thinking, when was the last time i could say that i was really 100% happy. its been a long time. sometimes i try to fake a smile but i cant. i jus cant. its been so long i forgot what it was that could make me so happy before...

2008-05-06T20:01:00.003+08:00

sophia: haix yea. i miss those days too. i hope everyday can be like those days where we can only worry how fun the day will be. bleh.. studies. thanks alot for the encouragement, i will continue to work hard.. haha guess what. i studied with leo on sat night after service. i spent half of my sunday studying chem too, and it kinda payed off.. i got 23/30 for lecture test yayyy A!!! lost quite a few marks to careless mistakes like chosing not choosing the correct wrong answers.. =.= retarded question phrasing. anyway yea that proves that studying does pay off.. you jiayou too k even at times when u think its not working.. mus pull thru no matter what.. remember our whole cell mus get all As for A's.

jiayan: yeahahaha.. omg i cant believe you actually stayed back and sian thru the whole 30 mins or so. if i were u i wouldnt lol.. did some dumb things haha. i cant believe how much my Chinese has degenerated in such a short time. im so glad that im not taking chinese anymore =p hahaha..

okay, since studying payed off, i shd start reading tru my econs notes caz i dont know about how the heck iam supposed to answer a DRQ...

2008-05-03T21:40:00.002+08:00

weeeeeee im going to leo's house now to study chem bonding lol. the chem test that i got 6.5/18 for, i still dont know how to answer half the q's. my goal is to complete chem bonding my tonight. plus tonight is damn hot oso so go leo house sure got aircon one!!~ weee dun nid to on my own aircon LOL. time to studeeee happilyyy.. i so got the mood now. cyA...

i wana do well for chem =( pls let me

2008-05-02T23:33:00.002+08:00

oh my gosh its hot hot HOT. wah siao. jus bathed like not too long ago and im sweating under my shirt like crazy. what's wrong with the weather?!?!?

i went for training today, was quite normalish-okay. there's like training set on sunday what the heck? isnt that mad? i doubt i will go. i doubt i can go. i mean, its a sunday omgosh. there's sportsday 2 tmr. and there's drums in the morning. hmmm. better get a good night rest before tmr's stuff starts to bug me. plus, gota do PW like anytime within the next 2 days. cause my grp's idea for the proposed event is like crap =.= there's no shytty twist. haix.

anyway. was a day with many ups and downs in school today. i juz realise that there are certain people in class whom i dont even say one sentence to in the whole day sometimes.. well i think thats normal. haha okay back from the random thought. sherry, maychew, debbie brought up something for me to reflect on today. they say i acting abit "guai". hmmm i not sure whether i know how to be not "guai" but i think i get what they mean. i noticed myself that im super quiet and very un-outspoken, ever since then... its like my confidence for speaking jus disappear larh. its damn freaky. its not only that, like sherry said i have "been heard less and seen less". hmm sounds chim. i hope its not beyond my control. but today when we went dinner after that i kinda got myself back. im happy =D gota adjust my behavoir in sch.. i mean, sometimes i jus cant help it. i will definitely feel down, but then i really really keep telling myself that i cant let random sadness be an excuse to not be myself. bleh.. okay im talking rubbish. confusing myself. wanna thank my friends who have been there to encourage and help me out. im really a super un-independent person in a certain sense, really.

today cindy and peiting came n crash our ct session lol. then at nite peiting and amy joined us for dinner. wanted to eat steamboat at turf city. haha maychew rawks. she brought us walking all the way in and made us turn one entire round around the turf city building looking for the damn steamboat, and she summore said that she is damn familiar with this place. ended up having to settle for 2nd choice. had zhu cao (you know the horfan/mifen/friedrice n stuff) i cant believe sherry dosent know whats zhu cao LOOL. so yea.. lots of walking, had a great talk. i juz love weekends and holiday eves.. they feel so carefree =D

but then again. bleh CHEM lecture test on mon. i got like 6.5 out of 18 for my chem class test.. thats damn crappy. im so gona score much better for lecture test. have been studying slowpace. gota like chiong during the weekends. probably sunday. I- MUST...

2008-04-29T22:50:00.002+08:00

heyyhey.. haha jus came home from a long talk cock session at ps food court lol. that was following a 30 min queueing session for Ben&Jerry's free cone LOL. i mus admit that i havent really eaten B&J before =X i think at most i tried one spoon from one of the random tubs found at home. oh my gosh the banana flavour chunky monkey thing really rawks. its like when i compare B&J's to the stupid dreyers brand icecream i feel such a big difference. wahh. the bite was like whooooo~

okay at first in school i felt rather sad. cause i've screwed up 3 tests in 2 days. thankfully i dont consider my physics spa screwed. firstly it was chem class test on bonding. i didnt really study at all so i cant ask for much. (well obviously i'll be less sad than if i studied one whole day and still got 21.5/35 like for maths) and its partly cause i gota rush off for physics spa, wasnt really in the right frame of mind. then it was that stupid GP test. lol. i totally didnt have the mood to do. and i think my english is like degrading. its like only yesterday when i recall the days when i had little difficulty expressing a certain idea, or jus simply looking for synonyms for an easy word like "iressponsibility" bleh~ crap lar i didnt even do any of the questions properly and yet i had not enough time. and then there was chem spa. i forgot to take off the damn funnel before i started titration. when i thought thats all i can gg for, i realise that i took the wrong value for calculation. i got 7.01g for my mass of solid, but i took 7.00. dumb. next time im gona ensure i get exact mass everytime. bleh.. then my reading is like off like crap. i got 26.3 in contrast to melinda's 26.7, which eventually obtained a value much closer to x=11.

haix. so i wouldnt say i was emo, but then i was kinda sad. its like difficult to feel happy when u screw up 3 tests in a row. of course thats not the only reason, but that certainly does not help. so yea.. but then at first in the afternoon i didnt have the mood to go out. cause debbie and maychew planned to go out this afternoon, since wed is like sports meet and thurs is public holiday. but after we were out and we had so much fun, i totally didnt regret. really made my mood much less dull. haha.. well, if not i'd probably be at home in the afternoon trying to do work and getting stuck then fiddling with the com... again. we were practically laughing hysterically at the food court of ps. and the lady sitting at next table kept peeping and wondering why we were crazy and having so much fun lawlxz.

and i jus realised that my class standard of guys is damn unimpressive hahaha...came to this conclusion after a random talk this afternoon.

2008-04-27T20:30:00.003+08:00

damn. my eye infection is irritating like crap. for every morning for the past 2 weeks, i woke up with the soreeye feeling. every single morning its as if i dun ever wana wake up. i actually ponned school twice cause it got worse, but it never goes away. sometimes in the afternoon it feels normal. thats when i can feel normal again. but it dosent always happen. it jus sux. during the weekend it got worse again. didnt go church on both days. slept till like 2pm. haaah. and im gona sleep early today again cause i dun wan myself to not be able to wake up tmr.

its been such an uber boring weekend that i resorted to stupid stuff to keep myself occupied. can go ahead and imagine lol.

weee i love being in artemis pullover in the aircon room. haix its jus SIAN lar! cant go out. and its not like i caught up alot. i've been doing work whenever i can get myself to thou.

HAIX

2008-04-25T21:32:00.002+08:00

jiayan - yooo! oh my gosh i so wish that i can sleep lesser like you. for the pass few days i've been sleeping non stop cause of my eye infection (mom says its due to contacts but i totally have no idea). i skipped school twice last week cause of my sore eye. bleh. and i have to be so unlucky to use an eye cream that im frigging alergic to. didnt recover for nearly a whole week. its gettin better now =D

jasmine - hihi!!~ haha sophia's blog is like D - E - A - D.. and mine is going down cause im so damn busy and lazy nowadays.

WOOOT!~!@ omgomg.. tennis team... hwachoooong!!~ ahwooo!
hahaha yay we're tru to quarters for the first time in a LooooooonNGg time in hwachong tennis history. okay.. it might not sound like its a great deal, i mean those ccas who get 1st/2nd every year might be like "heh.. whats so great about getting into quaters?" but im telling u its damn cool. its like getting pass prelims into quaters is already breaking history! i dont know why.. i still cant figure out whether its cause tennis standard is really high or we simply have no players. cause we never DSA anyone at all. like since forever our tennis team is purely hwachong ppl. high sch n college. its like noone ever comes in for tennis, unlike schools like acsi and ri/rj. so this is like a damn hard achievement.!! haha hope u understand why im so happy about it =p anyone in the team would be super happy too =DD

and wOOOwww. gratss lianseng..!! dep fac head omgosh. i will never have known. really happy for you. still remember the times when we used to chiong conquer 1.0 - 2.0 together.. haha HeavenlyKing and BurnFactor i miss the old days. hope u will find it to be what u really want. all the best!!~ i think u surprised damn alot of ppl. mus prove urself to every one arh do a good job!

lately i've been not blogging. its partly because im lazy and partly cause everytime i think of blogging, i tell myself i'd rather be using the time to study. but everytime i want to study, i either try abit and get stuck and end up using the com, or jus use the com without trying haha. u wont believe what im up to nowadays. when i dont feel like doing anything, i frigging go to clubxiangqi.com and watch ppl play chinese chess wtFF~ i dont believe im doing this.. or... i will go to yahoo games and play mahjong, and also watch heroes 2 and prisonbreak. haha.. i cant believe im wasting my time like that when im lagging behind school work. i've skipped like 4 afternoons (after 11am) for tennis and 2 entire days cause of my sore eye aka eye infection. and many afternoons of lying in bed slacking. u can imagine how much im behind syllabus now. heh with all these kinda hard to blog nowadays. i jus dun feel like. so... i'll try my best to keep this blog alive. well maybe i'll suddenly feel like blogging again, but haha..

in any way, i'll try

there's something missing

2008-04-15T22:30:00.002+08:00

PHEW! the pub video for "mind n body" is finally done. hope its okay. haha. doing video might seem or even be fun at first but once you get at it, its frigging tedious, and time consuming. nonetheless =D its okay for now. didnt have time to do anything else today except the video since i came back at around 7 after pei-ing junyang to go buy his sis's present. haha quite a great day i actually didnt know there's training today.. omgosh.

tmr's the first day of tennis comps. though i dont think im playing tmr, really hope the team can win SA. they're like got fight kind. so.. heh hard to tell what will happen tmr. jiayou!!

so tmr's gona be a slack day for me. leaving at like 11 to go warm up (stroke) juz after the council pres elections thing. haha SUPER SLACK. i think im not gona bring any paper tmr.. so shiok. tmr's match is at SA. i've never gone into SA village b4.. haha.. go team go!!

2008-04-13T23:19:00.002+08:00

=D okay im quite happy today. firstly cause i studied quite a bit this afternoon. okay fine its not that much. i sat at mac from 1 to 8 studying math and reading "my sisters keeper" in between. is that alot? i jus finished the book this aft. omg the ending is super sad. when i read the last few chapters my eyes were like welling wif tears.. but of course i didnt cry. haha i wonder why i never cry to these kinda stuff.. not even 1 litre of tears. maybe im heartless haha..

and im happy for another reason, some small thing that jus happened =) which im not gona say. cause u might laugh at me.. lol.

but today's cool.

2008-04-13T01:00:00.002+08:00

hii.. haha its 1am and i dont feel tired. thats probably because im not busy at the moment. although there's like maths lecture test on mon and im not very confident at maths yet, i somehow dont feel pressured. well its great to feel relaxed for a change. i wish i could be like that for everything that i do. in fact im never anxious for tests except for maybe the major ones. like blocktest/promos (for this year). i wonder if im taking it too easy.. heh..

juz completed the video for publicity of "mind and body" event last night. showed melvin today.. haha. he said its wierd. i dont blame him cause it is.lol. kinda out of point and serve no purpose feeling. heh. so have to redo the video again. but this time im gona embark on something less irritating and complicated. i wouldnt even call the previous one complicated thou, its jus hard to do. damn im getting tired of the tediousness of making videos. its like draining out my energy lol. its fun at the start but gets irritating.

grats to leo whose team got into finals!! haha.. he's like so damn happy today. keep talking about how he was elated the previous day, and how he was banging tables n chairs. u know it does feel great to get into finals (if its not a given, for eg ccas like judo/water polo).

im in downloading songs now lol. im in dire need of new songs. the old songs are getting boring. oh btw i decided to change my phone cause my sony ericsson randomly shuts down. decided to get the sumsung ultra 12.1 (U700). that phone looks super cool and slick but reviews say that it peels easily and is not user friendly. but who cares xD its jus too nice to resist. im so gona get in. im guessing it will be 0 dollars with a tradein of w810i and plan. yayy

k i better go charge energy and prepare for full scale mugging tmr. its gona be mentally taxing.. night

2008-04-06T22:22:00.003+08:00

sometimes its just so tiring...

2008-04-01T23:09:00.002+08:00

yoo! its been a long time since i've last blogged. i hope my blog is not dead yet. have been very busy with council elections. although i didnt get in, im quite happy today. okay this might sound damn self-delusional to you but then im dead serious and honestly that im quite happy today. in fact im surprisingly happy about the fact that i didnt get in, really...

okay so today results were out and i wasnt really expecting much in the first place. cause i was quiet truout the QnA session. i somehow just didnt feel like going up to the mic and trying my best to appear to the audience who was gona vote. it just felt as if i shouldnt do extra things on my own and let things take its own course. i was already deciding that after i answered all 3 compulsory questions, i should jus stay passive. at first i was kinda scared, like unsure whether i was doing the right thing. after all i wanted to get in so bad right? but after a while, my group members junyang sherry and maychew somehow came to the same decision. no point chionging to the mic and talk. maychew said smth like "if they wana vote u they already decided". but i was thinking more along the line of "if you're meant to be in ur probably gona be in anyway, if you're not, you shouldnt try to force ur way tru"

somehow i just felt at ease once i made that decision. after all, its not up to any individual one of us to decide right? somehow i felt if i had kept on going with the mic, i would definitely have higher chances to get in, but is that all that matters? in the first place.. the resolve that i made to try my best for council somehow melted somewhere in the heat of all the politics. but its kinda different cause im not unsure about whether to run, but i knew that i should just release. its like "my effort stops here and if i get in, its His choice", if not, the other path is probably better for me". and so i let go. well, at the start i was really really nervous.. i really wanted to go and impress. i really wanted to be the outstanding one. (and i believe if i had tried, i would have done better) but i realise that im kinda putting pressure on myself. the moment i stopped trying to control, i felt totally at ease on stage. like its as comfortable as anywhere else. you know it really felt quite cool after all.

we were at OCIP nepal first meeting when the results were announced. it was quite hilarious, the way the whole row of us council nominees from 6p + junyang were sitting in a row listening to the results, how melinda was telling me that she felt that my chances were looking bright, and then how NONE of us got in. thats when we heard sherry got in, and from the bottom of my heart i felt happy for her. thats probably what she always wanted. and i believe she wont regret and will live up to her commitment to serve. i guess the setting in which we heard the results kinda comforted me a little in a way and removed much of the "sadness" of not getting in, but the other part of it was a supernatural sense of peace. i dont know what, i dont know how. but its just... from "i wanted to getin sooo damn frigging bad" to ... i dont even know what to call it anymore... its jus so frigging wierd. i honestly wanted to run and serve the school. at no point in time was i running for the fun of it.

you know seeing all my friends who didnt get in feel so sad, i kinda felt guilty in some way that i amazingly didnt feel the same. but i thank Him for making it so easy. its really so damn easy. i guess it puts me in a great position to comfort those who still cannot get over this matter immediately. i know alot of ppl put in effort in the elections. but that dosent change the fact that some ppl will be happy and some have to be disappointed. the thing is that, you can chose to be the happy one no matter what the results turn out to be. after all, everything happens for a reason. never in my life would i regret running for council.

after everything and the results were announced, i was talking to sophia. we were like waiting for shengkun together. junshiang walked pass and tried to cheer me up.. like "you're okay right? why dont you try for fac comm" kinda thing. well. i guess thats what i'd do if i were him right? i really appreciate that =D immediately after results were out, sophia sms-d and comforted me tru sms. thanks =) and i would really like to thank those who really cared like i really cared whether i got into council. i still care whether i got into council, but im not upset. many were like pinpointing who didnt deserve to be in, and how the people who got in this year are so unexpected. but yet, there will be letdowns and surprises no matter what right? no point lamenting about what should have been the "correct" council.

im also very glad that i got the chance to go for OCIP nepal. from the briefing and the company, its gona be damn damn fun. omgosh i really cant wait.. church camp as well. my june hols are really gona be super imba! i still cant believe how easy He can make it be.

after that me sk sophia sheena met up to do the video for mind&body publicity. was cool and really fun. i really thought back. if i had gotten into council what would have happened to all those that ihave to leave behind. there's no doubt that i'd be further apart from the really great friends i have now. i will just be not the same. i dont know, i wouldnt use the phrase "blessing in disguise", i'd say it jus happened the way it should be.

no im not self-delusional, yes i always wanted to run and try my best to get into council, no i didnt get in, but yes, im happy =D

nights

2008-03-22T23:42:00.002+08:00

wahh. damn tired. damn sleepy. recently busy like siao. dun even have time to sleep properly. so i probably shouldnt be blogging rite.. blehh.. already survived so far. hope i dont collapse anytime soon. haha.. blog another time. nights

2008-03-18T23:44:00.002+08:00

waaaah. suuuuper tired. jus came back from banner painting. haha. damn tough sia. never knew banner painting so hard one leh?? i painted before lah but was never that hiong. is the paint got problem or something. paint one time liao still will fade in then mus paint again one.

win liao sia. we paint halfway the sky started to turn dark, cause late liao mah.. then we thought the light will like auto on or something. then at the end before we knew it we were like painting in the dark. dun even know whether we painting correct or not. then there was another grp with us... athena one.. totally tong gan gong ku la.. haha. both of our grps were like painting in the dark until like we decided that its going no where. went to ask guard, ask councillor, ask huang cheng ppl help us on light/how to on light. ended up we shifted out of the banner painting area. i think we totally damn dan xiao plz. move out of banner painting area to the before lecture theatre there also must ask councillor for permission. or else later lose deposit for running lol.. =.= at least now our banner looks nt bad liao xD

our grp just realised how time tight we are. we still gota do damn alot of things by like next thurs.. next thurs like everything will start. all the speech, video, introduction to fac thingys.. haha think about it abit scary lah. but i think we too serious liao. shd have a lil more fun and a lil more stressed. you know we actually stressed till like had sherry to run around coro/bkt plaza to look for gold paint. walao den she damn blur oso.. miss bus stop, walk back, walk wrong direction.. qiang. totally sent wrong person xD

hmmm actually im quite screwed now.. i signed up for ocip nepal, then going church camp during june hols. plus i now in organising team for church event. (but that one april + then finish liao) then if/when i get into council den even more gg. but can one! must have faith in myself. like surely someone someway can manage de. next week i heard got alot of test then we have to rush quite alot of council stuff. jus now went for ocip nepal interview i was still reassuring the teacher quite confidently that i can handle one.. lolx. but seriously. can lah.

hmmmp. what else happened in sch arh... miss ng like damn =.= she put her own baby photo in a photo album that was supposed to be passed round the class to be appreciated as art forms!!! LOL!! i duno wad to say. maybe she genuinely accidentally/too lazy to take out. but quite cute lah.. haha. oh yah. still have to learn dance.. gg

wah siao.. i think im mad.. 12 + liao still got time to blog. i bet u tmr sure damn tired. then gonna have friendly with ngee ann poly sumore. hope tmr i play well seriously. i've been disappointing myself totally on mon when i play with alvin like twice. keep losing and its all my stupid mistakes. bleh. and my thighs are still aching.. zzzzzzzzz and tmr mus pass up econs essay lawl? gg sia.. i chiong sleep le. tmr hope im not tired somehow.. lolz..

2008-03-15T23:33:00.002+08:00

weeeeee. welcome back to blogging. my com was knocked out for damn frigging long. u know usually i cant really survive without a com. like 1 year back i'll probably die if i were to do without a com for two whole weeks. good thing i was busy this hol. or else i think i'll really be tortured. amazingly i survived xD so sorry that i havent blogged for some time, not caz im lazy but i cant

okay this whole hols was full of mahjong. i think i played like mahjong on 4/7 days. haha. i totally cant remember what happened truout the week already. shouldnt bother trying. but point is excessive mahjong, excessive slacking and im here trying to force myself to do some homework. i dont think im doing that badly though according to my standards hahaha. i did some of maths and econs already omgosh. amazing. guess what, i decided that i've done quite alot and here i am trying to fix up my com and start posting on my blog again. havent done QT too juz cause my com.. bleh. this sux. good thing is i practically have a new com now cause almost every single part islike replaced. cause they couldnt find the fault LAWL. i'd rather it not spoil, but heh..

hmmm "class outings" in hols? i'd say group outings. i would like to consider that we had no real class outings this hols cause like damn little people turn up when porhow tried to organise one. i didnt even notice how un-class the outing was until junyang pointed it out to me. heh.. i guess we still had fun. juz hoped we could be a slightly larger grp maybe. haha yiling n shuli pangseh us on wed!!! lol no lah. i we're jus too far apart physically heh..

i've been rethinking alot about running for council. not like i'll comfirm get in, but if i do, i definitely will be damn busy. inevitably i will neglect some other stuff like tennis, drumming, maybe school work too. haix. as it is im already kinda neglecting sch work at least a little. i hope im not making the wrong choice. i'll have much less time to spend with friends i guess. i hope ntohing bad will happen. but i really really wana get into council since i've made my mind already. keeping fingers crossed =p

u know, sometimes you're just confused. and all u can do is turn around in cicles...

2008-02-25T22:07:00.002+08:00

juz came back from post orientation party. had a wild day. starting of orientation i was feeling damn sian. i guess it was the after effects of the chem test. what kinda crappy timing is it to put chem test jus before o2 =( totally spoil mood. if no chem test today whole day slack, would be so nice. anyway, chem test was like screwed up. its one of those tests where half the people are meant to fail. i pratically spammed "C" for the last 10 mcq questions LOL. damn sad. i mean, when you're meant to not do well you shouldnt really be affected by it right? its wierd sometimes how people still get depressed over such things. think im among them too =X

hmmm. many things in o2 set me thinking. kinda emo during o2 especially towards the end. kept thinking about what i had to lose in terms of friendship. like how easily seemingly close friendships can evaporate within such a short time. sometimes it goes to the extent of being terrifying. so i guess for relationships which i tresure more, i should put more effort into sustaining it right? but sometimes its jus not possible =( i kept thinking about how our class will be like at the end of 2 years. so bonded yet we have to leave each other. and we all will know that its impossible for things to be the same again. damn emo songs... haha actually im being silly. i dont even why im feeling insecure for no reason. i have been and will continue praying hard for our classmates from 6p who are unable to make it into hwachong, that they will be strong and view things from a more positive perspective. i know its hard, very, but we all gota try our best dont we? sometimes when we step back to see the bigger picture things will be much clearer.

kk actually not very in a blogging mood today. want to chiong n sleep. super tired. im like super inspired to start catching up on my hw already. soon. like thurs i will start =)

2008-02-22T20:35:00.003+08:00

heyhey, havent updated in a long while. thats cause my com was dead =( i've been reminded how i cant survive without my comp booo.. i will jus like stone around, lie on the bed and do nothing although in actual fact i need to do my homework and i dont need the comp at all. normally when i do my homework its like routine: on comp, on itunes, MUG! im so glad that my com is back up. good thing its still under warrenty. its wierd. the guy juz came and changed the hard drive the first time. didnt work. continued crashing. next thing we knew the dell guy juz changed like every single part of the com... harddrive, ram, graphics card, motherboard. lol. zhuan dao. juz cause my com spoil i almost got like a new comp ^^ so its good in the sense lah, but the period where i dont have my com was torturous. good thing my bro is in confinement ns camp now so i can kope the laptop to go online at least =) and cause i dont have the freaking win xp disc my comp dun hav chinese!!! argh. then my songs with chinese titles are like *box box box*. such an eyesore. i've been trying to resolve that ever since i've came home, of course i slacked around abit lah, but then point is. i was supposed to do work!!! im gona wake up early tmr and do! MUST

last night i went for dramafeste. was damn cool. the acting/plot standard were really good. i think all the four facs did super well plz. still, i disagree with some people's view that ares is the nicest. i felt theirs was so-so. haha artemis rawks but i have to admit the plot appeared abit plain. next best would be apollo to me cause their story was quite touching. i mean its not that easy to act a love story i guess. alot on facial expression n stuff. athena's play succeeded in making me ponder about the symbolic meaning thruout the whole play lol.. hmmm chim. me and peiting came late then we ended up sitting at the front row. ares play we were like blocked 50% of the time by the door. walao she damn so sense of humor plz =p no wonder ppl say she's slow. haha.. shouldnt niao her.. i hope she's doing well.

this afternoon cindy and amy came back for backstage. cindy me jieyang and maychew were like playing bridge haha.

these few days i feel abit disorientated. sometimes you're jus lost. like you know something has to be done. but you dont know what. you dont know how to alleviate the problem yet unknowngly each time you dont do anything, you're probably making it worse. i received a mail recently. it really speaks damn alot about how i feel right now. somehow it makes me feel a little better but im still helpless. i place my trust in You, please guide me through...

2008-02-13T21:37:00.004+08:00

okay, crap. my com is officially CRASHED. omg stupid lah. what a stupid timing. sorry for not blogging for so long cause my comp is dead. and i havent done QT for quite long cause of that. bleh

juz in case you're wondering, im blogging on my bro's laptop. he's like in army now. so slack pest c, can come home everynight after confinement. but actually its quite a good thing he's in confinement now so i can use his laptop without any disputes haha. cause i cant frigging survive without a comp. i will melt n die! btw its stupid timing cause i wanted to do something nice but my com crashed and this laptop's ms2007 is like 15 day trail only pls. and its like finish liao. damn frigging sian when i tried like 4 days before valentines day. lucky i tried early or else cant do something fast enough.

hmm im gona get flowers for my class. hehe i hope tmr will be fun. i think it will. its the company right? and i just remembered that tmr lessons end at like 3pm plz wtf. valentines day no half day off.. damnn super sian! i really feel like ponning lessons leh. but i dont think i will. ponning lessons is like quite serious. but then really damn wet blanket lor. leave sch at 3pm.

anyway today i ran cross country 4.3km hehe. i think i got like 20-30 position. so wasted. a bit more then got trophy liao leh. but nvm lah. its really really a personal achievement. i feel quite good actually =)the dumb thing is that, i could have ran "mass run" instead of "competitive" and probably be like top 10 wif trophy immediately since there are like no cross country imba kia like choo shijun there. but then even if i win i wont get fac points, o wells xD im quite happy wif my consolation medal thingy which has the "total defense" crest at the back YaY!

really wish u all have a very nice valentines day. actually its my first time even celebrating this year. previous years cause in boys school ma we totally dao it. i never know what its like. plus im going out =) weeeee. but the next day got sch. so... haha too bad. i go sleep liao bb. juz completed preparing my gifts today.

2008-02-07T18:51:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR FRIENDS!

its chinese new year again. so fast. another year has passed and i think i have grown. i can still recall myself 1 year ago. and sometimes i think about how i would react in a certain situation im facing now if i were 1 year younger. helps me to judge myself, and helps me to improve as a person =)

just went visiting in the morning.its not too bad, although not special at all. chinese new year is slowly becoming less and less interesting. other than my two grandmother's houses (and the cousins, aunties, uncles whom i will meet there), i find it stupid to go around more visiting. cause for the rest of the relatives i dont even know them. everything will be so superficial, like visiting and wishing them happy chinese new year, sprinkling well wishes, but the fact is that u dont really care (if i put it bluntly), i mean lets face it, ur like in their life for 1 hour out of 365 days in a year. bleh..

im looking forward to the rest of my cny. its gonna be lots of fun. 4 days break isnt gona be a waste. and after that i have to prepare for my xcountry run mentally haha. tmr going around with ruiwen soph and sk. gonna do a lil work in the morning at rw house first. cause i promised myself and rw that i will transform into a good student overnight haha. i think if i continue slacking and sleeping in lectures and talking in tutorials, the teachers will hate me and my results will really drop alot. so from like 2nd feb onwards i decided to be "good". havent been doing much, but i wana finish all the homework and catch up on lectures during these 4 days.

sat will be a day of fun too, but im not sure what im gona do first. maybe i would go to junyang's house. maybe only cause it depends on someone haha. then after that go church, then go slack around after church. sun will be service then slacking around with leo jiamin yiting. yay im so expecting the next few days of cny to be better than today. and i doubt i'll be disappointed. i've been attempting to do work since i came home juz now frm visiting at 2pm. its already 7 and i've done like the GP essay handbook and looked tru my already completed chem tutorial only. still got quite some stuff to do, and i already feel like slacking.

oh and my com started crashing. im hoping that it wont crash halfway when im typing this post. its like the screen turns black and then funny beeping sounds come out from the cpu. bleh.. stupid com. lucky still on warranty. smart move to buy extended warranty 1.5 years back =)

okay i guess i better go continue my work before i start perma-slacking. later. and i feel so blessed and so fortunate... haha random

2008-02-04T21:35:00.000+08:00

well, something super super super unexpected happened this morning. haha. i dun wan to elaborate. but its damn cool. =D haha and i realise im damn coward lol. i dun even dare to do/say anything. wahhhha. but thank God, thank rw sk soph. heh =p looks like i cant even keep secrets.

sk dun worri bout it, when i tell u i probably shda expected it to happen this way. but then didnt turn out too bad right.. but it was super scary. anyway thats all i want to say for today. today's a good day.

2008-02-03T22:35:00.001+08:00

hey. haven blogged for some time now. im gona keep it short cause i wana sleep >< tired forever even though i sleep alot. yesterday had to pon church for stj. i really had to decide which to forgo. after quite some internal discussion i decided to go for stj. but then i promised myself i'll go for this sun and the next weeks services. =) well stj was fun. we did lots of stuff and i got to know a few seniors more. and i finally cleared the misunderstanding with my mortal. she wasnt daoing me! in fact, she thought i was daoing her. haha so wierd. she put a big box of chocs in the angel and mortal box and i didnt see at all. maybe i was blind.

today went out with leo jiamin yiting to celebrate jiamin's bday. its on 5th feb haha. i wonder why i can remember the date so well. its fun to hang out with friends like that... juz slack around. talk, and maybe camwhore a lil. well i asked jiamin whether she was a camwhore she said "no". and i shouldnt have believed cause within a short time her true colours showed haha. as usual the girls were so damn excited about camwhoring. and i found another neighbour!! within 2 days i found like 2 friends living less than 5 min walk away from my house. so cool. there's like a total of at least 10 ppl i know of living along hougang sengkang kovan uppserangoon potongpasir area already. and there's like 4 living so near my house =)

well although i was feeling abit stone today i did have a good time. and im so dead i've been neglecting my homework. i never touched books for the whole weekend. cny is like next week and i havent bought new clothes. not sure if im going to. i havent bought new shoes. my tennis shoe has a hole and my running shoe is used by my bro. so i gota do so many things which i totally dont feel like doing in a short time. sianz. you know what i feel like doing.. lying on my bed and not thinking of anything. not having to worry about waking up the next day. tennis tmr, we're playing matches. guess i shd go rest and play well tmr. nights

and im so confused...

2008-01-31T22:08:00.000+08:00

i am super tired now. both mentally and physically. i've been like playing 2.5 hours of tennis jus now during self training. ran like siao play against both junlong and leonardo. haha damn fun. tennis rawks. in a way im thankful tmr there's no tennis. the day before was training oso then we had to do some crazy pt. like sprinting up the slope n stuff. but we have to be glad cause coach didnt make us attempt to run 40 runs. and now that i remind myself that tmr is the 2.4 trail run, i really dont feel good haha. summore my bro used my shoe to report for ns. now i have no friggin running shoe =( i hope i can still get 10 something tmr. i'll try my best. if u ask me i'd say no prob but these kinda things is hard to say. and.. mus rmb to eat tmr morning or else sure cannot.

juz came back from studying in sch with rw. omgomg. im super brain dead and exhausted. we tried n tried some stupid questions and both of us got stuck. damn stupid. we got stuck over a considerably simple question. spent 30 mins thinking n stoning. now that i reach home and i think it over again i still cant get it. wtf is wrong. i get an ans but its not the ans they want.. hmm. if the ans key is wrong im gona start killing ppl!!~ but then again after much thinking n discussion im not rEAlly that nervous about tmr's test. our lecturer cum tutor for phy assured us that it wont be counted but then many other ppl seem to think otherwise. well a good news is that its only on kinematics and the first chapter is NOT tested. bad news is i dont care =X its not exactly important anyway right.. why stress myself out, especially doing simple questions n gettin stuck. its all last year stuff anyway right. haha.. first time learning for rw. mus be hard.

kk i'll jus heck care n go to sleep. no point doing more. night

2008-01-28T21:07:00.000+08:00

heyhey. its 4 days after olevel result release. and i couldnt care less about my b3!!! hahahaha. (sometimes i think im deluding myself but nvm) as in, im not really sad but then an a2 would be really nice so i wld never have to consider taking it again. today junlong try to persuade me to take h1 chinese. he says that its super easy to get A. imagine if i take then i din get A i will be super destroyed, although if you think about it its only 1.5 hours per week. but then its CHINESE. any other thing would be okay but Chinese!!!. sumore i jus drop. imagine i tell the sch admit i wan take up again. i will get skinned alive plzz.

many things happened in the past few days. things like how i was retarded on fri morning asking things that i shouldnt. things like all fun and meaningful fac cip. things like going back to play tennis after 2 weeks of rest. i think i wouldnt type much about those stuff. except maybe im a lil disappointed how my burst stamina has dropped so drastically during the 2 weeks break due to the stupid flu that i had. today i was like play with jiawei and before like 10 mins i was already almost at my physical limit plz (well that was all after pt but still... i used be able to do it). yea the feeling is soooo crap.

anyway i guess i was supposed to attempt to do some homework when i got home tonight from dinner with yier,benja and peiting. a random gathering, i met them afer training. well in a way i did "attempt" to do homework if you get what i mean. mentally pretend that i tried to push myself to do it. hahahaha. cant be helped lah. i mus oone day decide to stop slacking. u know one thing i like about long homework deadlines is that u can really drag xD but i guess i wouldnt be able to do that soon. in fact today i was sleeping during lectures again. i need time to read up and catch up. i dont know why im feeling so sleeping during lectures nowadays. i think its the contacts. its been making my eyes tired. but i juz cant bear to wear specs anymore plz. or maybe i will if i get a better looking one. but seriously i think i look like shyt in specs. haha.

guess what im gona sleep like Now so that i wont feel tired tmr morning. bye. hmm i wonder what day is 5th feb haha.

2008-01-24T22:55:00.000+08:00

release of o level results --- hello everyone! i have to announce that i got a B3 for higher chinese. but im not sad at all. its kinda expected if you know my standard. im like 10% disappointed and 90% anything. in fact, im quite happy today. after all the boring lectures in the morning, we got released from school at 10.30. from there everyone wished each other good luck cause we probably need it. yea so.. left with junyang for lan. felt quite loser actually playing lan just before o level results is released. but anyway didnt play for a long time so.. yea i went and came back.

then the results started to get released slowly. ruiwen was like super super nervous. and she cried just cause her friend got a phone call cause she did super well. to me as long as u get 6 its like super perfect already who cares if u have like 8 or 9 or 10 a1s. it dont matter. anyway, yea, ruiwen started crying then i duno what to do. then like those kinda drama show arh.. all the cedar girls appear out of nowhere to comfort her noe.. like at least 4 of them.. so shen qi right cedar power..

yea so results were released. and i got a b3. i must admit there was a lil disappointment when i saw the b3 but then i wasnt affected much really. its okay larr. but then the good news started coming in. both ruiwen and soph got 6. i was super damn happy, so was sk. then jiamin had a1 for both french HMT, then sherry had like 6 points, boyang,charmaine 7. jiayan was really sad with her 9 points but it isnt that bad right.. but i understand lah.. u know we take 1 subject the pressure is already quite meng. leo and junyang was like so damn nervous. (both got b3, and sk too) can u imagine take all ur subjects.. like 9x the subjects. then sumore they determine whether u can change or remain in ur ideal jc. we were like saying the pressure is like ours x 20 lah. once again im super thankful im an IP student. really duno what i will get if i take O's, probably a 8-9? peiting frm my class got 9 =( she's gona appeal. i pray hope wish she can stay. its really nice having her around. then im not sure about other classmates le. i'll ask tmr but really dun wan anyone to leave lah.. dun wannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...

u know when i heard that ruiwen and sophia both got 6 points i was super damn happy like im insane or something and point is i duno why. i can friggin ignore the fact that i got a b3 lah. like who cares. it will jus appear B instead of A on my report card and make a little difference in scholarship apps. but i'd prefer to jus wait and see rather than worry. sk is pretty troubled, shoudlnt elaborate why. but then i really hope i can help lah but iduno how. just sit back and see His plan unfold, i guess...

heh. econs test tmr and i dun giv a shyt about it. im not even sleeping until i've done all my random tasks and QT and blog. i've read tru once but pretty vaguely. its only 3 percent. why do ppl mug their head off for that little test.. hmm. but i'll try to catch up tmr morning or something lah provided im not too tired. my eyelids and falling down already argh..

sorry for all the friends whom i fail to be there for. thanks all for ur support and those who prayed for me. its NOT a waste although i got b3. Thank You Lord for the answered prayers today.. <3

What does it mean to Let Go...

2008-01-23T16:26:00.001+08:00

im confused. im happy and sad at the same time. whats life meant to be like? why do i see cruel and inevitable things that life must make us go through. im not sure about what to do anymore. is everything ur doing gonna be in vain? i feel tired. im lost. arrgh. wrong choice to start the emo post. it shouldnt be here.

so anyway today was in school. i would like to say i've fully recovered from the flu but the cough keeps bugging me. with phlegm and everything. its starting to get irritating. i think i havent exercised for 1 week now. im like gROWing in the bad way. zzzzzz. and i havent played tennis for that long. but when i go back im gona bite!!!! i missed running like 8km all the way. think i can reach 6 at most now. sianzz. cause i didnt go training i had like nothing to do this afternoon. everyone was going for cca and im like roaming around. i feel so, uh duno how to say. so i chatted abit and went home. u know sometimes u feel that u dont belong, and u feel alone, unsure, and then u remember that He is always there for you. that feeling is really good =)

so anyway. i mus admit i've been slacking in my time at home. i ended up watching simpsons, its quite a funny film. one of those i wont watch and think i wasted my time. thx to yiming for passing me all his d/l-ed movies haha. piracy hmm. kenneth is calling me to go out and have dinner. i mean usually i just agree right? why am i like thinking so hard now. fact is i feel like staying at home to study. but i know i wont be studying. geez it sux. and o how timely, xq's msn nick jus poped up "keep smiling" bleeeh. anyway.. i juz feel directionless in the many duties/task/work i have to complete. i get that sometimes.

and well, i remember daryl saying that during the hols my blogging style changed from complaining to a more positive outlook of stuff. looks like im back. pfft. haix.. how? emotions is jus a wierd thing... at least i know i have friends who will always be there for me =))) Thank YOU!

Let go Let God.

2008-01-21T20:07:00.000+08:00

OMG i'm super sick. i was a constant 39.7 to 40.3 degrees in the afternoon. juz randomly started feeling cold during GP lesson then was super tortured during econs. i was practically shivering and i didnt realise it was so damn bad. i had to chiong to the toilet and take off my contacts so that i could sleep in the car. and im also afraid that it melts in my eyes or something. that wont be nice ya? so i was blind and i rushed out. many ppl along the way. not even sure if they waved. so malu la if ppl like wave n stuff then u dao them. but the point is at that point of time u're like too sick to care. couldnt even find strength to say bye to my class. bleeh.. sorry ppl

i felt super shit juz now. headache, legs ache, couldnt find a suitable position to sleep. yet i slept all the way ever since i got home at about 2.30 though. i guess thats all i can do. u know i had been forced to eat this bread with fried egg inside thing. it tasted super super crappy when i was burning at 40 degrees. u cant imagine how BAD food can taste. and i had to force myself to eat at least 1/4 of it.. damn disgusting.

im so happy now that im much better after all that medicine. didnt expect it to work so fast.i can even go bathe now lol. juz waiting for my meal to digest haha. im like 37.0 degrees now woot. i guess i gota skip school tmr since i'll probably not recover by then. stupid flu. im gona miss so much. and the worst thing is when i feel better i have to go start on my homework.. and econs revision. test on friday. geeez.

2008-01-18T21:23:00.000+08:00

hmm i feel quite shyt now.. i juz attempted maths tutorial 3 and i dont know how to complete half the questions. its so damn irritating arhh. now i dun even feel like writing my angel/mortal letter or even playing a lil now. cause i've probably played too much pudge wars for a school day already. played 2 short games this aft. anyway, gota force myself to complete all that tutorials and homework by the weekend. i probably wont have much time at home. i shda completed most of it today but bleeeehhh. nvm. i juz dun haf the discipline. first day of actual lessons and its already almost 1 tutorial for each subject and 4 for maths =.= and we juz received our timetable today. looks like im gona be as busy as i was in high school. but back then i could only mug when test approaches, not gona do inconsistent work here. so stressful..

ahhh okay enough of complaining and ranting on.. looking forward to the weekends. og16 is coming my house on sunday. like almost 8 of em. hmmm i wonder what we're gona do. but at most we can always go settlers right if it gets too boring. but i guess we can always find stuff to keep ourselves occupied with. i just dont wana be a bad host, but i really cant think of anything other than watching dvds, playing board games, talking. hopefully thats enough.

havent been with leo/sk for quite some time. i wonder what they've been up to. and i pray so hard that our friendship can withstand such distance. but talking with each other may not be the same again, i juz get that feeling. omgosh im talking about emo stuff again argh..

ohhh and btw i've decided to run for council. i hope i will have a good chance. making effort to know more ppl for artemis already. and i juz realised when everyone's one big family its damn hard to remember names of that many ppl. and on mon im probably going ge fang auditions for fun. if i can get in cool, if not then i'll have fun with their cool-sounding drum set.

think im gona sleep now. super tired. night, God bless you. gota get ready for the weekends.

2008-01-16T21:51:00.000+08:00

i'm missing the hols. all the times that i had to spend/waste. such slow pace living, letting spare time slip tru my fingers without regrets, without fear. today i was on the bus. unknowingly, i had the urge to take out my phy lecture notes and read. the struggle for time has started =( and the stress is waiting to pour in. haix. school life. i wont say it sux. i got to know new friends again. and im learning to control my mood (like not to be emo and stick to myself all the time) and im learning how to communicate with different types of people, im learning who are real friends, and what are real friends. im learning to balance myself in many ways. growing, learning. thats what its all about.

miss my friends. daryl, hope ur doing okay now. everyone, hope ur having a fun time in school, or at least not too stressful yet. im trying to get used to having to force myself to sleep early everynight, although i dont feel like sleeping yet. u know its wierd why at 10pm you dont feel tired at all, yet during lecture (esp chem =.=) u juz feel that wave of sleepiness. juz dun understand.. haix. i guess thats the way school is. and btw our chem lecturer has a sleepy aura 10x more strong than our dear Mr Chew. lol! looks like we're gona have a hard time paying attention.

well i completed quite abit today, including maths tutorial 1/2, reading tru abit of the phy notes, "mugging" the artemis fac dance a lil, and a game of pudge wars haha. i suck at learning dance, i juz cant pick it up on the spot. i've been dancing with sherry. its so pressurizing when ur partner can dance when you cant. baaah.

and.. my angel is still daoing me 24/7 and my mortal hasnt replied although i've written. ehhh why i so suay one. both oso so stone. haix. my first time playing only lidat. what is this! lol

and i got caught for having "long hair", its so freaking short plz. well maybe except for the back. but i thought it was nice. well i had my dad help me trim the back and i think it looks suckier now. but at least i think i can pass the hair check next time. hope it dosent look too shyt. heh..

k gona sleep, night. God bless.

2008-01-14T21:36:00.000+08:00

yo.. went out with soph ruiwen sk today. haha was quite cool. highlight was when we went to watch "one missed call" the horror movie. that movie wasnt very fantastic if u ask me. there were people laughing during the horror movie so u can infer =D well, certain parts were shocking thou. enough to make soph and ruiwen scream. hahaha.. i sound so evil.. lol nvm.

jus wrote to my mortal today. haha. i feel so wierd writing a letter. like no instant reply and all that, i feel as if im rambling to myself. i just realised i never ever wrote a letter before in my whole life lol. thats thanks to MSN i guess. anyway msn is much more convenient dont you think? my angel never wrote my anything yet =( so boring. hope she will write soon and that i didnt get those type of super sian n mug angel. haha.

at first i decided to try to complete my 2 maths tutorials by tonight, but by the looks of it i probably cant. i started doing the first remainder and factor theorm question and got stuck already. baaah hate these kinda mental blocks. anyway tmr there's a long break in between lessons. probably juz do it then. wooo. after this QT n sleep. wow. i can actually sleep before 10 tonight. its like so RARE. =)

2008-01-13T18:38:00.000+08:00

I AM SUCH A LAZY BOY WHO DOESN'T WANT TO DO MY MATH TUTORIALS AND IS HERE SLACKING. BYEBYE! ARTEMIS ROCKS! :D

2008-01-11T23:47:00.000+08:00

OG is officially over. OMGGG. the last day was super fun also... quite abit of things to talk about. but most sian of all is the fact that we have to start school next week, as in proper lectures n stuff.. booooo. but i think lecture/tutorial system is better than class system. much more freedom n stuff, but of course u need to be able to control urself lar. this afternoon all the lecture notes lai liao, when i saw them my heart sank slightly.

but then im quite happy that im getting along quite well with my class. sherry and peiting (hiao hiao), haha will never forget the play we acted together sia.. and of course MELINDA!!! haha. i wont forget ur name anymore. im thinking of joining council. and so far everyone's encouraging me to join. my bro told me its in the character and if u dont have it you dont. but im so not discouraged by that. (1) who says i dont!!! u never even seen me high or try socialize before. yes maybe im more quiet usually lah, but then that shouldnt be a hindering factor should it? (2) even if i am who says i shouldnt try!!...

so im gona chiong for council and campaign and all. i believe if i try can de. but i mus work very hard, and also be mentally prepared if its not good enuff. and im gona juggle church school and council damn well if everything goes as planned. im juz afraid my tennis get neglected. but im prepared actually to be less active in tennis if i really really get into council. well.. we'll see

okay so today.. highlights was the wargames, the skid and the campfire thing.

wargames was like not as fun as expected, but still high enuff for me. actually i juz hate the violence that some ppl resort to. but if u ask me these kinda games how can u play without violence, its jus impossible. i mean, im like. okay its stupid to play this game and expect noone to go physical, but then again its damn sad to scrape the whole game. i guess thats what the council does, they make these kinda decisions and ensure the students have fun. anyway we were like bombing all over lah. first we chionged athena, which was pretty much futile, cause in the end they won lah. maybe cause we didnt attack them well enuff. what the fac coms were doing was super ironic.
they were scolding attackers for the use of violence and they appear to be siding with their own fac of course. the thing is that their own fac attackers were doing the same thing, if not worse in other facs. and besides, its like impossible to breach the defense if you dont push right? so effectively they jus granted immunity if they start scolding ppl. if i were them i wouldnt really know how to handle oso. /shrug. anyway other stuff like the starch pool and chasing around were all damn fun. although some ppl exposed their ugly side and turned violent, overall it was still super cool. go council!! thanks for the memories.

lol skid. okay for the skid i was like quite nervous, by my standards lah. cause sherry was like so damn relaxed i wonder how she even does it. then hiao hiao was so hiao, what can i say XD i mean she was jus damn her lor. so im like nervousing alone. lol nvm, but at the end i managed to pull off an apparently quite good show according to some of my friend's encouragements =D i really thank those friends who encouraged me, really helps. im super thankful that i have the chance to act in the skid. really fun and memorable and helps alot in bonding us classmates. yay. i juz hope there wont be any long term niaoing about our roles. lol.

ahhh campfire. really damn good. i will remember that night for life. too bad i dont have any photos atm. especially all the cuddling and singing and warmth we felt as really a hwachong family. you dont get this anywhere else other than hwachong n church. then i started thinking about how much God has blessed me with, and that i took for granted before this. all the cheering in the hall and campfire area took half of my voice away. now im all hoarse. but nvm!!! im proud i use my voice to cheer for AR-AR-AR-TE-MIS!!! wooooo. i juz wan say that fabian that class the ares performance was really really damn good. like professional lidat. all the rhyming and acting and everything. felt so natural like u guys done this a thousand times. peifu!! and during the campfire thing i got to know one new senior today, but i didnt even get a chance to get her name. both groups of us were lost so we jus decided to form a group together. so yep, hope i see her next time in sch den i get a chance to ask her name. and of course dancing with jiamin was as fun as ever. hahaha. oh oh. and the fireblaze thing in a jumpstart pattern was awesome. so majestic. so unforgettable. my orientation. i can picture myself feeling nostalgic already...

ahhh "ten years down the road..."

2008-01-09T21:12:00.000+08:00

hmm 2 more days till end of orientation. im so not ready for mugging. today was like first day the class was together. 08s6p.

first impression: bad, really bad. i was emoing that i had to leave my OG. i really enjoyed the times with my OG. ppl like wenshi jiamin melissa huiyi eileen reuben woonyang omgosh.. only alex same class as me. keep thinking that we're juz gona drift apart inevitably... unless we really hang out together alot which is not that easy. well to be fair we werent super super close in the first place, well maybe for a few exceptions, right octopus jie? haha. yea so all these pile together made me emo yesterday afternoon n in the morning. i read a few blogs, melissa's was like "let’s all go out though we’re not that close cos anyway it’s our LAST WEEKEND TOGETHER!! And all groups’re doing that too so we should too". well, although its quite true, but it somehow makes me sad when i see that. i mean, it sounds so bad. i duno how to say.

my close 4j mates and my church friends i are already slightly further apart frm each other already. and that sucks. like i havent been out with leo for like 1 week liao. then i havent seen daryl charmaine soph for like a week too. lucky we still go church together. thats why i love going to church so much. but sometimes i wonder why mus friendship n such stuff be like constantly degenerating. like when u get closer to someone u mus be further apart from someone else... sigh so depressing when u think of it like that.

yay im quite happy about a few things. im starting to realise my class isnt that bad. there are fun people too, friendly n stuff. and its only the first day cmon what do you expect. like today everyone was like so focused doing the stuff. i went for the cca exhibition, then i left for training. after training i expected all of the class to have gone home n disappeared. i mus admit i was kinda jealous when i saw wilsontham and chuankim's grp. they were like preparing their class item already, and the dance is so cool. so.. when i called alex jus to check, i was surprised that my class was still like doing the banner design n stuff. wow, really wow. then when i reach there, i see that many things were done when i was training, then i started to feel guilty that i wasted my time emoing n then i went training and left all the work for the rest. so.. i decided to give my best to help draw the banner. wasnt that bad XD didnt know my art actually can make it abit. haha

the picture is below is like our half-completed class banner. i draw one leh the "athena", cool ma??

and jus cause im random, here's my cute teddy that i hug everynight to sleep

and then there's the donkey we bought for our OGL as bday present

know what... i'd love to be in the same class as jiamin, huiyi and the rest, but then maybe if i cant then i should jus spend my time trying to love my class more. anyway our friendship can stand the test of time right jie?

*confidence*

2008-01-04T23:07:00.000+08:00

okay. today was so fantastic. seriously the best day ever since school started. coolest day of orientation (both hwachong and anderson lol). and oh btw sk, shixuan and me crashed ajc from like 7am - 11.30 am. it was like super exciting and thrilling please. those who never crash before must really try some day, but i wont be responsible if anything serious happens. cause we almost got caught alot of times. and alot of pleasant surprises when we jus chiong into ajc wearing hwachong uniform without a proper plan. walao eh really arh, if we had humji diao halfway and missed all the fun, i would regret forever sia. okay let me start, today got quite alot of things to blog about, first ajc orientation, 2nd hwachong orientation, then 3rd is og 16 8-person dinner n talk. hehe.

so.. we were about to meet at ajc, at like 7am. so we all decided 7am liao, then ended up both sk and ksx sent me a message that they were gona be late. so i was like okay, so i can take my time. ended up i take my time until i was the one making both of them wait. so i arrived at like 7.25 when they were probably there at 7.15. felt abit stupid n guilty. okay nvm, then arh.. i said i found another entrance to ajc, cause at first we afraid to walk in guang ming zhen da tru the main gate mah, cause got security guard. so we walk one whole freaking round around the entire school compound. the most stupid thing is that u know a rect, we walked 3 sides around the long way instead of juz taking the short part (my idea to find the other gate, and i was so blur that i didnt stop them from taking the long way, didnt know what i was thinking). so we walk walk walk, happy happy walk around the whole school, then reach the gate. gate lock. walao that was like shyt man. i thought aj crashing plan was gona be a failure even before it started. cause i thought i saw a girl walk in tru that gate like 30 mins ago when my mom drive pass. then 30 min after it was like locked. so i had the idea that aj security is like super strict.

so since we spent so much time liao right, might as well go in. so we decided that we juz chiong in the main gate lar. at most kena rejected. worst come to worst run lor. so we walk walk walk, the guard nv stop us to ask or anything. at first we were like damn happy. then we walk walk, turn left. den walk to one dead end. LOL. omgosh that was really stupid. den i duno whether the guard notice n heck care or laughing or cant be bothered at all. maybe he didnt see. so we were like idiots walking to dead end, come out, then turn and walk pass the guardhouse for the 2nd time. u can imagine. juz when we thought the danger was over, then got one guy got the discipline master face come approach us. ask us alot of question like are we j1 coming for orientation, why we so late, why our hair so long, and he even told us to cut hair. i was like controling my laughter abit. but in the end we guo guan and got tru. damn heng right. but actually it was quite obvious we not frm aj i think that guy close 1 eye oso.

so arh. we loitered around the school for a while. at first we were desperate to find the bookshop, so we walk pass corridors walk pass canteen walk all over. then when we walk pass hall ksx saw tai soon. den we wave to him, then he wave back as us and he was shouting like "EH WHY U ARE HERE ARH? U NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE WHAT? WHY U SO SIAO". den it was quite loud, so ppl started to stare at us, turning to the side of the hall. den finally we remembered that we were supposed to stay inconspicuous. so we faster chiong away. den he ask for permission chiong out and talk to us. well i appreciate his attempt to show us around the ajc compound although it wasnt very successful. cause we jus ended up asking the same guy who looked like the dm where the bookshop is. this time got tai soon so we not that scared. but its abit obvious we crashing right? but nvm. so we found taisoon and we followed his orientation group for most of the time, following for two games. and quite alot of dances. aj dance quite cool leh.

oh ya then mus highlight some parts. so we joined taisoon's grp liao right, we were at this game thats super similar to the game we played jus a day ago. its the one where u turn around the baseball bat looking down so that u feel dizzy and hop abit then throw a ball into the basket/box. u guess what happen.. sk frigging turn his first round and fell on his ass on the wet grass. walao damn funny and humiliating lah. but then again its shengkun leh!! what u expect. haha. that moment was like priceless lo. then we got to talk to a few people there, they were quite nice and accepting lah. especially the group ogl. he was specially trying to help us hide from being detected lah. and he was very friendly. i qutie like it there. sk was even saying he didnt mind coming to ajc, but i doubt he would. and also, we met sophia. haha, she shock us frm behind at the field there, then at the hall. sk both times lagging as usual. he missed her both times, although he got run back and talk lah. seems like he abit disappointed that he couldnt be in same og grp (in aj) as her but then its quite good we came to aj in the first place, so yea =D

even leaving ajc was a trouble, and it was frigging cool and funny. so trouble was that the ogl, btw his name is jonathan, told us that it would be super hard to leave cause the security guard is there. we will look damn suspicious, and the guard might even stop us and question us. so we were like even prepared to sprint when worst come to worst. so we prepared, i changed to a nyjc shirt that i borrow frm my bro so that no matter what they cant trace back to hwachong. then sk wore his newbalance jacket over. then ksx got nothing so he stand in between us. okay set liao right. we walk out, calm and easy, but actually we quite scared. then as we walking out, the j2 ppl were like staring at us frm the benches there when we look back. so can imagine the tension building up already. then they were like staring like we about to commit suicide or something. when we reach guardhouse, we jus smile to the security guard, try act calm. surprisingly he jus frigging smile back LAWL? LOOOL? omgosh. that moment was like shiok. like all the tension and stress vanish in a sec. wahhahaa.. and then sk being the blur guy again made us miss the 852 bus because he was taking photo of the school front gate and took too long to start running which was like =.=

okay... thats it for ajc orientation now for my own school orientation hehe. better keep it shorter or else ppl reading will be like sian 1/2 after a while, i guess? so um 12 like that we reach bukit timah area liao. den we went to eat then chicken rice thing next to curry wok there. then we walk back. by time we reach back all the talks over liao. nicely planned and timed sia. then games was like just starting. at first i was quite not looking forward to our own orientation games one. as in, not say not looking forward, but then less expectation. cause honestly last few days wasnt that fantastic, the ppl were not high enough and the guys all stand one side the girls stand another. so damn stone. but today was better. we mixed more. yea.. today played the water bomb passing thing, then travel across river with 3 chairs and the "balls of fury", slide on the canvas one, and also the "swoosh", slide on bench and play scissors paper stone and try to reach the other end and score point one.

well quite alot of cartoon stuff happened. for example, jiamin was like naming everyone after an animal omgosh. so bad larhh! like wont hesitate to juz suan ur looks n stuff. although never really suan me that much but i feel for the targets larh. thats why arh, i say mus find an animal for her oso. but i think juz playing only larh, not say very guo fen. still, its not very good. then i duno why leh i look very angry or what. each time she say something bad about ppl my face somehow look offended then she apologise to me? lol?

oh yea then when playing the chair game thing right, i reach like halfway mark then i thought reach the end liao. then i jus jump down. i felt damn stupid. lucky i dont think anyone laugh =X and oso good thing that that game drop down dont have to restart all over again. phew. alot more small small retarded stuff that we did lah. speaking of retarded, reminds me of the dance. spastic spastic moves. haha, the move is actually called "spastic" so cool!!! and oso for orientation, i managed to talk to a few more ppl like.. hui yi, wen shi, weiling, eileen, melissa, lishian. the guys mostly all know liao bah? its not that easy to talk to new ppl sia. as like i ever thought it was easy, but u know what i mean...

okay moving on the dinner. arranging for dinner itself wasnt very smooth. at first i thought most of og16 can go, ended up only 6 of us went then 2 joint us after that. but then like that oso good, less ppl more bonding. lemie name all that went, hopefully i dont miss out any. douglas, melissa, jiamin, yiming, woonyang, lishian, jinyang, our ogl, and me. cool i rmb all. we ate at curry wok, talk alot of crap, observe jiamin "quarrel" with yiming and yiming kena slap. then slowly see how we gel together as an og. quite cool lah. then our actually sorta leftover food then we take for our ogl pai hao hao on one plate.. then looks as good as new and damn feng fu. actually its good, but then i feel abit guilty that he didnt know. i guess it dosent make a diff right?? damn bad. den after that we went to serene centre there buy icecream chose one cosy corner eat. all 8 of us share one tub. damn fast finish. and the icecream was like fantastic lah.

then there we were like gossiping and stuff. haha quite fun lah. getting to know stuff about ppl whom i dont know very well and ppl whom i didnt even know existed. and views about ppl whom i know very well. haha ppl say leo very cute and not bad woor.. he am chio, tou xiao liao. mus be over the moon seh. then we were like chased out frm the corner we chose cause we were too noisy den we found another place to sit beside the lift. there was once when the lift open and close and noone came out. felt a lil freaky sia. on the whole it was super super super super super fun lah. today was shiok like crap. if i get another day as fun or more fun, i will jus be damn frigging grateful. hmm was that very long..

thank you Lord..

2008-01-02T21:07:00.000+08:00

yo.. first day of orientation, first day of school. started off so super boring sian. imagine sitting on the floor for 5 hours straight (of course have short and insignificant breaks in between) listening to "important academic talks". i slept for about 1 hour plus in between with my contacts. and i guess thats what contributed to my slightly damp spirit later during orientation. wasnt really in the mood to talk probably cause my eyes were too dry and stuff. plus i only can get high when im around high ppl, hehe and i didnt get that. well i sound like im blaming my surrounding for how i felt today, but i hope it dosent come across that way. in fact my mood and how i behave shouldnt be so dependent on the surrounding. after all its not That bad. got to know a few new friends. u can probably imagine what happened, ice breakers, cheers and stuff. hwachong guys all sticky together. i guess thats expected since its only the first day, im guilty myself.

and im abit disappointed in myself cause i didnt manage to talk as freely and as enthu-ly as i wanted to. told myself i had to be enthu during orientation and try not to miss out on all the fun. but i ended up semi-emoing, and not really doing what i'd consider engaging in a good convo with new friends. sorry! haha hope tmr i'll be less crappy. well thats pretty much what happened today.

oh and shengkun almost lost his phone. he realised he didnt have it when he was at the high school canteen. and then like 30 secs after he realised, we called his number. and on the other end of the line was gerald. and he was like walking 5 metres behind us lol? Thank God. phew.

watchnight was cool. 31/12/2007. haha, lastday of the year. when they did the lighting the candles thing, our cell guys went to put the candle on the floor in a circle. so cool, that was most memorable for me. then everyone followed and started to stick their candles to the floor with wax, some in circles and some juz randomly on the floor. haha. well yea must admit i felt a little left out somewhere there in the middle of it all. but once i felt His presence i was suddenly happy. wooo~ then at night went to charmaine house stay for the last time in this holiday. kenneth lent me his clothes including his disposable thing that i wear down there. haha.. probably too much info. anyway, point is, had alot of fun improvising the drums and jamming Blind in the house. haha, to give u a rough idea, the wooden floor was the base drum and my heel was the paddle. then even later into the night, we started singing worship songs with ken playing the guitar. charmaine ken and me. was super super fun. did it + talk till 6am. and i woke up like 12.30pm the next afternoon.

we were planning sk's surprise bday party. and we had to do some wierd stuff to keep sk from suspecting. good thing he's some blur guy. haha, had alots of slips yet he didnt suspect. thats a damn good thing in the context. lawl. so, it was quite successful, except for a few stuff

1. soph had to hide in the toilet for damn long, cause we ended up eating desert before we snuck up to her house
2. she also go to supermarket and buy some retarded stuff like i duno what to distract sk and buy time and also go to Sembawang and look at CD's that she dosent even recognise
3. we were so late that jonsoh had to leave immediately after we surprised sk, he didnt even get to eat the cake. and i really felt quite guilty for that..

yea thats about it for the last few days. looking forward to tmr. there's prayer meeting tmr morning. hope everyone can come. hope i can make it in time haha, its like 7am gosh. probably wont. but i'll try. we'll see...

2007-12-31T01:35:00.000+08:00

oMGOsH.. the whole world has got some brain degeneration disease or something.. ahhhh save me.. daryl kenneth and leo are talking rubbish.. gg

2007-12-28T23:47:00.000+08:00

Jesus, lover of my soul. Jesus, I will never let you go… you’ve taken me, from the miry clay. Set my feet upon the rock, now I know…

Haha so random. My fav worship song!! I was singing to myself on my walk home. Argh its jus stuck in my head forever. I feel quite in a bloggy mood today. Many eventful things happened actually for the pass few days.. u know, when it gets too eventful, you juz don’t have time to blog. For example, I was at leo’s house on wed night, cause he decided to pon training hahahaa. Evil boy. Lucky I didn’t succumb to the forces of evil and pon my Friday training. Well I’d say it was fun, but I somehow feel I can never be the type like jon and leo who stay at others house and don’t feel homesick at all. I juz don’t know how they do it. Its like a skill or something. Cause everytime I stay over at someone’s house, I’ll reach home the next night and realise how comfy is my bed. Then the next time when ppl ask me to stay over I’ll think twice. Haha.. weird huh. But of course I need to balance everything. Frankly I think I haven’t been doing that very well, im trying.

So.. um. Lemie start with today. Wake up, training, well yea quite tough. Didn’t have to run 20 rounds today cause me nigel and Darrell already run liao hahahaha. =p shiok sia the feeling that u don’t have to run. Training today was like soso la. Nothing special, although the pt was a lil more tough than normal. Oh ya, and I most likely can make it to first team if I continue to keep standard omgosh.. im like uber happy. Its been one of my dreams leh. I will not slack, I will cherish the chance and train hard and not let my team down =) and I also hope nothing happens hah..

So after that had lunch with seniors as usual then headed over to sentosa. When I reach there they were like all playing soccer then went to join in. I am like damn suay please.. or juz damn lousy. Cause after I play a while only I kena kick quite hard at my last toe there until I think the bone abit got problem liao. But I dun tink is any lasting damage jus painful and some funny feeling. So ya, I stop.. then play water n stuff lo. After that play captains ball. I think that’s the most fun part of sentosa, other than the fantastic company. I really appreciate all my friends now that I know the importance of friendship. And I really don’t wish to see certain friendships turn sour because of any reason or any misunderstanding. Because it is NOT jus another friendship. I just wish that friends can talk about stuff freely without having to mask any unhappiness.

So yea, at night we went to eat steamboat. Jus came home. Took 100 haha, long bus ride. But then with all the company it seemed short. Its not even funny how much we ate. And its not funny how much I ate these few days liao lor. Ever since I decided that I shouldn’t control my diet since im like exercising anyway, I’ve been gorging food down my throat. I already gained like 3kg despite all the exercise. And if I continue like that I probably reach like 60 in no time omgosh. Then I’ll be super fat. But then I don’t plan to stop eating freely anytime soon. I wana grow haha. Its amazing how pro my appetite become after a short period. =D maybe im having a growth spurt… *shocked expression* haha I sound like leo.. oops

Okay this is gona be quite a super long post. Cause I still have other subjects uncovered yet. On Sat, which is like today (considering its already pass 12), we got cell outing to dorita’s house. Hehe.. Im quite eagar to see what its like. And I hope its fun too, well what am I thinking, it must be. Quite a number of people cant make it, but o well they’re missing out =p then I just heard from jon that there might be a stayover, still contemplating. I gota like decide soon. Haha. Else tmr I wont know what to pack. U know truout my time in mustard source, dorita is one of the people that I never got to know too well.. heh.. and then we’re splitting cell already =(

Oh yea and I was discussing with ksx about stuff jus now while waiting for the roti john to be ready. He bought dinner for his elder bro, how nice.. haha. So yea, after discussing about some serious stuff, and other crap like how you can control your dream, we started to talk about subject combis. Ksx is like so certain he’s gona take PCML, Physics Chem Maths Lit. while i was contemplating not too long ago whether mine would be PCME, E being econs or BCME, B being bio, I think I should go PCML too at least to try for the first 3 months or 3 weeks or 6 weeks. I don’t even know anymore, they keep changing it. But u get my point, im gona try lit. haha. Hope im not being too adventurous. I think that subject combi is cool and I agree with ksx haha. Like firstly lit is fun, and secondly it wards away the zhong guo ren =p gosh im starting to become like racist or something. But truth is I don’t have a good general impression on prcs, apart frm some exceptions. PCML it shall be. Probably gona chose soon.

And im in OG group 16. Apparently its like a damn good group according to feedback haha. For one, there’s like 6 4J people in my group. You know how cool is that??? Many ppl only know 1 other person in their group, and I have 6 classmates omgosh. And the others in the group are quite fun ppl too according to rw and erwin. I jus hope we’ll have fun again. Omgosh im like fun-hungry or something. Cant be helped. Hols ending. It’s a normal symptom I guess, wanting to have fun everywhere. So far this hols is one of the most memorable hols ever. I mean really. I simply love it. I so hope it never ends lor.

Anyway, I suddenly start listening to jazz. And frm what jon said, there’s like damn a lot of genre of jazz. I don’t even know which ones im listening to right now lol, pathetic. But for now its mainly Michael buble. Anyone got damn nice and easy-to-listen jazz songs can recommend or send me ?? haha. Today on the way to little india mrt I listen to the soothing jazz until I almost slept and missed the stop. Its that nice.

K ppl gota sleep, drums tmr. Night. God bless u all.

2007-12-26T00:14:00.000+08:00

Christmas over for 40 mins liao =( i heard a few people say that Christmas was disappointing. well, it was not too bad for me. probably cause i had no expectations at all cause i never ever celebrated christmas. haha. so this is like my first time probably. well i love the gifts, appreciate them very much, although there were some burnt brownies etc.. haha. but i really appreciate the efforts so dont get discouraged ya? (charmaine?) haha.

today was quite a strange day. yesterday was over at sophia's house celebrating christmas with her family. was quite an experience. when it was the gift opening period, i felt abit sad that i never had this kinda joy when i was a kid. in fact, had quite a hard time convincing myself that i had other different forms of enjoyment, although that is very true. i couldnt help but to feel a lil sad. but anyways ya.. i really had a good time there. and i conclude that im sensitive to something at sophia's house or something cause every single time i go there i get flu and red eyes. and the eyedrop is like as effective as ever. haha, 2 drops each eye and its all un-red again =)

i came home and slept my afternoon away. slept at 1.30 to 5.30. a good 4 hours rest. i missed my bed and my teddys x 2 haha. then after that went out with kenneth. juz came back. he said something that didnt sound very nice to me. then that sparked off certain topics that exposes the uglyness of the world. haix. its jus so imperfect. all the inter-personal politics. instances of self-defense and simply backstabbing for the sake of it. why cant the world juz be a nice and pure place. maybe i've been living in a too protected environment. and i got to see another side of my dear friend kenneth. scary. anyways ya.. really set me thinking alot. been a while since i thought of such sad and emo stuff. gona conference now. later.

belated Merry Christmas!!!

2007-12-19T22:44:00.000+08:00

first thing in the morning, i didnt feel like going training, but i told myself i had to go. cause i wana be in the team, i need the training. so i chiong there, expected to be late, and everyone playing liao. to my surprise, only got darrell and nigel. plus me we 3 ppl. and coach was like asking them to put all the belongings in the car. then i found out we were supposed to run 8km, 20 rounds. wah siao at first i thought he was joking, like if we cannot he will let us off. but then after we started running that distance dosent seem that impossible anymore. honestly wasnt as hard as i expected. i thought i could go another 10 rounds at the point of time. but i shouldnt say too early cause i probably would have my wish come true. coach say next time training we're gona run 16km, 40 rounds. crazyy.. sumroe he wants to sign us all up for boxing classes. siao larh.

anyway after that i went home n slacked abit. then i went out to buy sophia's bday present and met ruiwen so she can help me chose n stuff. got it liao =) quite satisfied with what i chose. u know i suck at chosing presents. i jus hope she will like it. anyway yea i got a damn cute toy and bought the sophia tag, u know those with the meaning of the name and a bible verse. yea so.. then after we shop went back. on the way back so damn coincidentally guess who i met...

leo jonsoh charmaine daryl, wah. at first i saw leo then i saw jonsoh flash pass as the train was decelerating then i almost didnt believe my eyes. then i decided to walk back few cabins to check, it was really them. siao larh. so i couldnt bear to juz say hi and go home, and i followed them to kovan to find back the CDs that daryl left behind, then we went to hougang mall to return the library books, then to 574 to play some table tennis. i was a lil worried and reluctant to go at first, cause char/daryl's mom was gona fetch them at like "before 8" (thats what they say) and by time we left for there it was 720. so by logic we would have been jus wasting our time there. plus im unsure of how to get home from 574. sumore leo went home already. so i really felt as if i shd jus leave for home since i have dinner waiting.

but then i jus feel that since so coincidental meet liao lidat shouldnt jus go home. besides, i can always pei char/daryl/jonsoh mah. wont hurt. so.. yea i juz went with an open mind and see what happened. in the end we managed to play some table tennis, in fact we played our full hour with their mom waiting. haha i kelian her. but it was fun if you ask me. jonsoh didnt seem to enjoy it as much but o'well. we were all laughing at all the wierd shots we did. then when playing halfway dexter,chinhong,guoxiang,serphina,abi, and... i hope i named them all.. came then me and jonsoh fight doubles against dexter and chinhong. and we won hahahahaha. quite exciting game. yea so thats pretty much it. and i had a smooth trip home not needing to wait for any bus for too long. =)

hope jiayan recovers fast, havent been seeing her around. its like she disappear for the last few weeks of the hols, how sad to fall sick in this time of the year. but i guess it beats falling sick during school term. so yea, gona bathe and sleep, looking forward to sophia's bday party tmr. night, God bless

2007-12-18T23:20:00.000+08:00

hmm okay, today was quite a typical day. short actually cause i woke up at like 1. first started off with watching half a movie of "prestige" with sk cause he slept at my house last night. poor him came too late and i couldnt find the mattress so he gota sleep on my sleeping bag. HAHAHA. omgosh. must have been very uncomfortable. too bad im not wei-da enough to sacrifice myself and let him sleep my bed. but then i Tried to look for mattress already lo, not bad le.

okay then we went for drums, drums was quite fun cause we play song. love to play song. nothing else very special. had dinner. then at night was the more significant part of the whole day.

me and leo were discussing about friendships n relationships, their fragile-ness, and certain level of superficial-ness. haix, quite a depressing topic if you ask me. like who are your REAL friends n stuff. so.. ya.. i cant really say much here. but anyways, later we met jonsoh n kenneth soh and soh-mama for dinner at the turkey restaurant, me and leo. thanks soh-mama for paying the food haha. we had quite alot of fun lah. im quite .. how shd i say arh.. umm. relieved and happy that jonsoh n me can talk nicely i think. i duno why. but i jus have a scary feeling. and i shouldnt elaborate cause not very nice to hear. but i had a good time with jonsoh, kensoh, leo, and soh-mama tonight lah. =)

so thats pretty much how today went. set me rethinking. and i hope my friends n i can grow closer, really. and i dont like to make enemies or jus be disliked =( i will really do my best to be a nice friend de!!

2007-12-18T00:10:00.000+08:00

hehe. sk at my house now. i feel like laughing at him now cause he friggin reached the MRT just in time to miss the last train, then he call me ask whether can stay my house hahahaha. okay nvm, shd not be so cold hearted.

juz came back from sophia house for trail baking test number 1. so cool lar our cookies are like SUPER NICE, like better than famous amos and comparable to those u buy at shops in wisma underground shop. christmas all my friends will get to try it man!! hehe. baking is like super fun, never tried it before. u know i read the dean koontz book titled "life expectancy", they keep saying that baker's hands are dangerously strong, and now i think i understand why. its really not easy to beat the thing and imagine they do it everyday. wahaha.

apart from baking we camwhored quite a fair bit. im gona post some pics again. nowadays i got much more pics to post seh, at least as compared to the old "zhai nan" days when i wow from day to night. and i also am aware sometimes u read ppl blog all words no pics oso not nice.

we oso did stuff like scrabble, and commenting each other on friendster, and of course playing with the adorable hamster =D me-me lol. anyways sophia mom gave me a brief haircut. she like totally transformed shengkun lah now his hair looks so much nicer imo, but then he dosent seem to like it as much as the rest of us do. cause he probably misses his high density hair.. hahaha.

okay time to sleep, damn tired. juz now at soph house my whole eye turned red, damn scary. until i took out my contacts and put 2 drops of eyedrops each. then like magic like that whole thing turn white again. night

product of camwhoring:

2007-12-17T00:03:00.000+08:00

the past few days have been uber fun.. i mus say.. starting from friday. i also realised its been so damn fun that i have no time to blog about it. in fact, the whole week was packed and fun.

okay so friday was damn cool. sophia invited everyone to watch shooting stars on friday night cause somehow she heard that there will be shooting stars close to 11pm. okay so first it was training, then after that leo and me were supposed to accompany jiayan to appeal for hwachong. then guess what happened =.= first, leonard pangseh me, then she forgot to bring her phone lawl? what can be worse than that. so i immediately suspect she never bring phone liao but i still abit worried for her. cause 1pm was the deadline mah. then until like 1+ i still never receive any sms or call back until later in the afternoon. then i cannot play tennis wif a clear mind haha. anyway at least she still got to appeal bah. leo was like telling me that if she didnt get to appeal he will feel abit guilty. so, at least that didnt happen.

so later on in the day, i went to meet sk, sophia, ruiwen and we played with the hamster that was just bought. lol so cute!!! especially when it does the cleaning face action. or sleeping, turning into a ball. spent about 2 hours there then headed to kenneth house. we stone halfway go play badminton. haha.. then we met those neighbourhood small kids then they quite pro at badminton lor. and we abit bad to them haha.. like we keep playing. i can imagine they want to come down play as usual then see some unknown grp of ppl there. borrow their racket sumore. hahas.. then kenneth was like bullying them, although they were strong enough to bully anyone else of us.

so we went to watch stars at night. DAMN FUN sia. together i saw 12 shooting stars. see until i dun dare look up the sky liao. if not 13 then unlucky number. they appear and disappear very fast zooming across the sky. so amazing. then we worship alot at the beach also until everyone look at us. then we oso took some photos. i think i will post soon/now, whichever. cause i very tired now, and i wan do QT faster sleep. tmr have to wake up early for training again. back to the shooting stars, we were quite high sia. lying on the mat there everyone together. when shooting star appear we all scream n shout and get high. i wana do it again lor. and the temperature so nice. cooling better than aircon lah. wear jacket jus nice. mat size oso juz nice for us to sleep together. damn good time larh.

oh yah at night sleeping time a few guailan stuff happened. first, i got suan-ed for bathing for damn long AGAIN T.T fine larh i bathe long cannot arh. but seriously speaking i like to make the water abit too hot then wet body slowly and get used to the temperature. or else i want juz nice temperature then shuang shuang bask in the running water for damn long. i duno why oso haha.. then arh.. we watched shaolin soccer until i fall asleep. cause i watch at least like 5-6 times liao. then when i sleeping next morning ruiwen tell me i accidentally "hit" her in the middle of the night, then i snore, and sleep with my eyes never close completely. haiyyo. i damn damn paiseh larh. didnt know i sleep so unglam one sia. i duno when i started sleeping with my eyes half closed, and i usually dont snore do i? i attribute it to being too tired and sleeping in aircon room!!!! (haha bluff myself make me feel better, dont mind me) cause arh!! usually i sleep with fan i already cold until i mus put blanket, nose block of course mus breath heavy sound like snoring right?? sumore i too tired larh, cant be help ^^

saturday was camp echo then youth ablaze. i tried calling alvin along, lucky he didnt come actually, cause i was too damn tired to zao1 dai4 him. i'll probably dao him or something. but im glad that he kinda promised to come, or at least said he can come next week, during "love actually". isnt that great? haha. oh yea during cell discussion, first time we split into our new cell groups. the discussion was kinda FaRnIe with certain people inside. very not used to it lah. and i look over to the other side, there are certainly people im gona miss. really quite sad. i havent even got to know everyone fully yet. sigh.

at night was quite emo, but it ended up well. cause arh. we were talking about our problems lah. then after that, one problem was solved very quickly. grats to char ^^ then after that instead of having some random prata supper or what it would have been, we went to praise connection near the hougang swimming complex there to kope free food, bigmac, leftover food. the toufu was very very nice but very spicy. haha. its good to see my friends together. like jonsoh and char, jonsoh n kenneth as bros. and even good to see how good char and daryl's sister-brother relationship is. really makes me happy somehow. then everyone squeezed into 1 car, 7 people in normal 5 seater car, and we all got sent home. thanks uncle auntie !! haha

kay lah actually before that and in between got alot of things to blog about one, but then i think i shall not go back to the past too much bah, and alot of things cant remember oso, those minor details. but then i mus mention this: thurs night (might have gotten the day wrong) i was supposed to go home after spending whole day at charmaine's house, kenneth char daryl and me were out slacking. we were at amk hub larh. so i was about to go home and NOT eat char's grandma's fried rice for dinner. when waiting for 133/135 (they already left to wait at the other end of the bus interchange), i realise i left my dearest "My Sister's Keeper" book at their house. somehow i didnt even contemplate whether to juz forget about it, and instead i went over and told them straight that i HAD to go back to take my book. strange action. then, through some unexpected turn, our topic changed to sharing our problems in relationships. we had a good chat over dinner. and it really helped clear up lots of things really. im sure all 4 of us will agree. im really thankful. i think its divine intervention that i ended up there and somehow brought up the topic. Thank God. and eventually speaking frm hindsight, that chat was really important =)

okay now im at today. finally. today was no less fun and great. so it was service and then lunch, followed by caroling practice, which turned out to be super slack and not on task. i feel bad that we dao-ed denise, clarissa, and her friend and chat among ourselves and even wasted their time. haix. but i was too tired to do anything. in fact later when we were on the bus i slept truout the journey and i wasnt fully awake till like 1 hour later. so we decided to all go charmaine's house and celebrate both kenneth's bday and char n daryl's parents anniversary. ken and daryl promised to cook for them, and like 13+ people went and they cooked for everyone. nice steak as usual, and nice company. nothing specific to highlight, but i juz wana say i appreciate such times of fellowship alot. cause i know i didnt have such close friends ever before. and i dont think this is any exaggeration. i mean, now that i look back, i feel like my pass friendships are kinda superficial when i compare. so i really really thank God for all He has given me in each of His ways, for those that i've noticed, and through those countless other blessings i havent.

okay juz a random thought damit the music im listening to sux very very badly. its some random christmas album. i have no idea how that disc ended up on my table and i decided to rip it. i feel like deleting all of em right away.

and yay, finally done with the pass few days, pheww. so busy that i hardly have any time to blog. in fact im super late for sleep. damn. i spent like more than 50 mins blogging n doing random stuff n QT. wow.kk better go bb

2007-12-10T19:25:00.000+08:00

yoo guys. juz came back from rain youth camp. was kool. although my team was a little far from an ideal enthu team, but nonetheless they were fun. charmaine was in my group haha.. and she's probably the only person i knew in my group before this camp. okay so lets start from the most memorable and go on, not gona attempt to put them in chronological order.. my brain is quite fried from not sleeping for the last night. well i did sleep for like less than an hour and doze off like 1 time, but i wouldnt consider that sleep...

so yea.. juz before we came home this afternoon we were playing like some 007 game, those where u sit in a circle and concentrate hard so that u dont have to do a forfeit. so being the me who suck at such games, i was an idiot who did like 2 forfeits out of like 4 truout the whole span of the game. i was like supposed to tell a leader, Wendy that she was pretty, shouting. so if thats not bad enough, they made me go on the stage and write my name using my ass. like trace the pattern of the letter wriggling ur behind. abit the super malu lo.. sumore they made so much noise until everyone was like watching n clapping n laughing. i had no idea if my face was red or what. i dont usually get red. but then was really damn paiseh lah. den sarah was still like "walao why ur action so indistinct one, shake more larh!!" walao really duno what to say larh. but it was fun... anyways go camp mus be thickskin okay??

okay so... what else arh. o yah last night. it was me sk sophia charmaine and ruiwen camping up all night under the starry sky. haha we did lots of crap lah. for example, sophia and sk were like making donald duck noises with their mouths lawl!! and counting stars, playing poke in the open, talking, playing animal/thumb game... haix it was juz a good time lah..

okay so i was in a group with.. hmm lemie remember all the names... Doreen, charmaine, jaron, pohcher, john, joel, maralyn, melody.. and o noes i cant remember the other names.. sorri. we went tru those telematches, games n stuff. was fun, though dirty. i really felt screwed up badly after that rolling in the mud and getting whacked by water bombs and tossing around squids as balls and having black stains all over, and icecream dripping all over. wahh, cant describe that feeling sia.. NOT very nice. but we did have fun despite our not so super enthu group. and the fact that the young adult that was supposed in our group didnt join us for the camp didnt help at all. oh yah and there was this starting game, where we had to make the longest line of all the belongings we had on our body. u shd probably have played it before. well yea it was damn stupid, cause we were up against this group with like 6 guys estimated as compared to our 2 guys and the rest of the younger boys who didnt feel safe using their shirts to extend the line. so ya that kinda hopeless feeling in our first station, first game wasnt very welcome... still we played hard especially in the squid captains ball game when we were up against jonsoh's team. and amazingly we managed to draw 2-2 with them, although they had like jonsoh n many other strong and enthu guys. quite an achievement if u ask me. so yea the rest of the day went on with many other fun games which i shall not mention.

and thats all im gona mention for the playing part. it was great lah. so altogether during the camp we had 4 sermons preached by pastor glen, whom i must say is a charismatic and hilarious speaker. they really really touched me, as well as many of us there (well maybe except for those small kids who didnt give a damn about what was going on... =X ) yea when he showed is a short clip abstracted from "Passion of Christ" the movie, many many of the girls, and guys, started crying. to be honest i was a little shock cause i wasnt close to crying until the altar call period. maybe im too immune to all these stuff already. and yea, i made a few covenants and promises to God which i am determined to keep. and i received the Gift of Tongues during the Holy Sprit Night on the 2nd night. YAY! okay shouldnt provide too much details... already did sharing reflection n stuff anyways..

so yah.. camp ended about 1.30pm this afternoon and we were back at church. we left our bags at church and decided to go for cell lunch. while few of us went upstairs to prepare and take stuff etc, the rest of the cell (and other friends) left wifout us T.T no lah not blaming them or anything cause we were really taking quite long, and didnt really say properly. so when we come down we headed for the s11 and joined them. had a satisfying meal then a few of us went for bowling. lol i bowled as suckily as a expected. haha.. fourth finger even felt pain. hopefully it wouldnt affect any tennis trainings haha. after bowling pretty much played a lil random games with poke cards at macdonalds until 2 aunties came and chases us away. they said that the police didnt allowing ppl to play poke cards. lol. i duno how true, but i dont see any reason for them to lie. so yea we left and headed home.

i guess some of us are like sleeping like a dead log now, busy catching up with our sleep, and others, as crazy as me, are frigging doing random stuff like blogging and preparing to watch heroes after QT. kay i guess thats it for youth camp. im so looking forward to church camp in june hols.. SOO LOOKING FORWAWRD. meanwhile we will all work hard to keep our cell united although we're gona split into 2 different cells next year. really saddening if u ask me, but necessary. anyway i will keep praying and really put effort into keeping the promises that i made to God. im off..

2007-12-07T21:42:00.000+08:00

im going for youth church camp tmr ^^ my first church camp, hope its gona be fun. well duh it will be..~ juz finished packing all my stuff. now waiting for leo and sk to come over to stay for the night, then go church together tmr. i planned to sleep like ALOT today, for eg 12 hours. thanks to them i cant. they havent even come! walao!!

today i didnt feel like going out. i slacked at home the whole day after training and lunch. i came home, then started watching heroes. i got pissed when i realise that all my friggin videos i load buffer to close to 50 percent then stop. i have no idea why. the loading gets slower and slower until it stops. its so retarded. isit my connection or what? argh..

bye. they're here

2007-12-06T00:37:00.000+08:00

today went to charmaine's house. was DAMN FUN! we all got super high, and lots of funny stuff happened. but its too late and im too tired to blog. probably some other day... time to QT n sleep!

2007-12-05T00:17:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Charmaine!

hmm today was quite fun.. i liked the iceskating haha. so never planned to go iceskating today.. anyway. was a morning with ken and charmaine. we were supposed to catch a 10.30am show, but char game late. we weren't too early either soo.. haha. ended up watching the 11am show. the kingdom. was quite good. the action an all was not the least below expectation. but i wouldnt say its super fantastic and is a must watch either. so yea.. after the movie, there was a period of stoning, then we went to yamaha and i watched the pro pianist, charmaine, work her magic. wow she's good. yea, she kept thinking that i was sian diao watching her and kenneth play songs, but i was actually enjoying the music and thinking how on earth can someone get so familiar with the board of black and white keys...

leo and his junior mark came to join midway tru the mini jamming session and then ate lunch with us. after that he went away and me and leo headed for drums. it was only after that that all the unusual stuff began. charmaine never asked us to go with her to iceskating before 6pm in the afternoon, but after drums, she and kenneth was like trying hard to persuade us to go. they had to talk us tru the unfavourable fact that sk n leo had no long pants, and leo was supposed to reach home by 10. well what can i say? they succeeded obviously. we were 1 mrt stop away from jurong east, and it was charmaine's birthday. so... we were there. i mean, how could we reject such a kind-hearted offer for us to join her. of course we'd feel odd, unlike kenneth (okay nvm thats besides the point) but sure we went. and when we were there, sk and leo almost didnt want to go in cause they said they were cold, and they didnt have pants, and they dont have gloves, and blar blar blar. but somehow i suspect its caz they dun wana malu in front of charmaine's friends since they dont exactly know how to iceskate. i wasnt very confident too, but i've gone once before, and really enjoyed iceskating. so ya, was persuading them not to turn around and leave since we were already there.

all in all had a great time in the iceskating ring. there was the birthday song that we sang so loud in the middle of the ring that it practically echoed off the walls, and there was the picture that we all took standing dead centre, and there was the moment where charmaine scremed so frigging loud that everyone who had the slightest sense of hearing turned around the stared at her. haha.. yea, good time. was also attempting to help sk and leo along with the skating though im some noob myself. but at least surprisingly i had a good sense of balance today. guess thats cause its the 2nd time.

so we were at long john eating, talking lots of crap. oh yea and the OLM grp's teacher, miss tan was there. she's friendly and nice. and we were discussing how tooT hwachong guys are. haha i didnt bother defending cause noone in the right frame of mind would attempt to deny that grps such as those whom i shall not name ARE TooT. well maybe we ourselves are toot in somepeople's eyes too. who knows?

well, so 1 hour ago i was in the mrt with like 5 girls and one female teacher. so it was like 1 me, and 6 others were strangers only 5 hours ago. anyways, felt abit awkward although its not as bad as it sounds. and my usual night sianness probably dosent help the situation much. (i usually dont have the mood to talk, engage in convos etc late in the night, maybe its emoness i dunnoe). so many things happened today that it felt as long as 2 days, now that i think back. haha.. juz cool

2007-12-03T20:43:00.000+08:00

hmmm. havent blogged in a while. what can i say, typical holidays these few days. lots of going out, tennis, drums, watching drama, reading book, i dunoe less convos over the phone nowadays. currently watching Heroes. its nice, been watching since like 2pm in the afternoon, maybe 4, cant remember. dosent matter anyways, i've completed like 5 episodes since this afternoon. so damn addictive. i also compelted "life expectancy" by dean koontz and "beowulf" the book during the holidays. moving on to "my sister's keeper" by jodi picoult. thats one name thats hard to pronounce.. hehe

today kenneth called me out for dinner, but i just didnt feel like going out. haah. reminds me if how i get so addicted to Wow. im so glad that i havent played wow, i probably wont ever. there are some songs that remind me of wow cause i loop certain playlists when i play wow last time. if there's anything i miss, its talking to the australian ppl over vent, and having that sense of being part of the team while raiding/instancing. sigh, but i know very well i cant afford going back to it.. never...

this morning i was at training. training has gotten considerably tough, like a little aching after training. still, me and alvin managed to summon enough energy to play vigorously after training was over. well i must admit i wasnt completely burnt out, and i hate that feeling of being full of energy after playing tennis. i just want to be tired, feel as if i really did something. plus, everytime i have training im too lazy to go jogging. in fact, since training started 3 times a week, i havent been jogging at all. crap, think im gona grow FaT. haha.. i wonder.. tennis dosent seem to keep me as fit as when i run. maybe if i really did run everyday, i'd really be fit wow. but then again, i dont really feel like it. probably lack of self discipline.. oh what the heck.. who cares

everyone went abroad when im stuck in singapore. but no thanks im not gona spend like few thousand bucks on a week of enjoyment. i'll probably think differently next time but for now, i'd use the money to get another racket, or a new drum set, or a frigging decent tv for my room, instead of the 15 inch loser tv which cost 50 bucks in a sale. its smaller than my com screen lol. but yea, i do feel a little sad that everyone gets to go fly somewhere and im stuck at home.

well i'll probably stop blogging here. i'd done lots in the pass few days that i dont think i'll write here.. soo byee. i finally can sleep till late tmr again =D

i just wish...

2007-11-27T00:49:00.000+08:00

hii. today got training in the morning, we all felt friggin lethargic. u know starting we hit those type of balls that even the girls would laugh at us. well u can imagine... baloon balls all over the court. it ended up okay with normal rallies, nonetheless kinda sian. supposed to go eat lunch with the rest of the teammates as usual, but then pasta's cooked at home and sk's comin over, so yea.. had to go home, pangseh the rest. sry guys ><

so sk came over at like 2, surprisingly un-early. but anyway after he was here for a while, ken called us to go over to vivo since he was there supposedly with jy only. so we decided to meet at bugis instead. well on the phone ken was like "okay WE'RE reaching" and he refused to tell me and sk who is the WE. so he appeared with 3 girls. they were jy's friends haha, among there was f****, u know, the one who had a _____ on sk. (not sure if its jus a joke though) and sk was like scared like hell.. haha, its funny. the scene was jus hilarious larh! and its funny how they were so nice to call us and say bye before they left..

so i bought a pair of sneakers, whitish with faint blue shade, and black outlines, kappa. looks cool. ima take a pic maybe i'll upload later/next time. i liked the brown one with brown laces and everything. looked perfect. but they only had like size 7, and i figured size 7 would give me problems so i got the other design that had size 8, so sad. but i still like my new shoe. =)

so we were at bugis and we left for city hall, raffles place, esplanade, suntec area. and another damn funny thing happened. we were like discussing about pen - i - s for some reason. and the moment ken said the word, i friggin slipped and fall like an idiot, as if i fell because i heard it. was actually the retardedly lame combo of my gripless slippers, the perfect timing that i stepped on a puddle of water in the middle of suntec city. baaaah. T.T go ahead, laugh at me.

so other than that, we jus had one of those seemingly long conversations bout various stuff including some r21 guys talk. and the day ended with me and kenneth having to wait 25 mins for a damn bus 70. was cool.

oh yah, and yesterday a damn big group of us went to red bar to watch I CRUSHED A SNAIL ON WEDNESDAY (iype jonsoh benthia hiroshi...) perform. there was like this guy, i was told, that said something like "i doubt the vocalist can hit the high notes" when they did "i believe in a thing called love" and then when iype like friggin aced the thing he was like "hey i like this guy's voice". hahaa. and benthia was like pwnt and he so redeemed himself for dropping the stick like almost immediately when he started playing. lol. and i bet jon n hiroshi was damn zhai oso, but i duno how listen to bass and elec. after that went to zhongning father restaurant to eat. we had a free 14 course meal which would otherwise have cost at least 300 bucks for us 9 people. thanks a bunch zhongning ^^

guess thats it for now, considering whether to join the convo tonight cause i have to wake up early tmr for drums. abit sian, everyday also must wake up so early. kk im off, nite

2007-11-21T17:39:00.000+08:00

hi.. hosted jap ppl yesterday in school. but kinda crap since we only get to mingle with them for what, 2 hours? its kinda stupid if you think about it. anyway dont think main purpose is for exchange, probably its jus a school trip to SG and spending 1 day at hwachong. we were supposed to play tennis with the jap sch tennis team.. uhh whats their sch name called again, tsukuba university if i nv remember wrongly. i think they're like IP from high school to uni or something like that. they were rather strong in tennis haha, but we could still beat them. shufan and brian was like on fire.

anyway i didnt get to play cause in the mid of the first match it jus started to rain, so some of us ended up playing uno with them, quite cool. so like that lo, not much other than the lunch before that. din even get to break the ice and its over. so crappy. spent whole day in school till 5 like that. quite waste time if you ask me, not that i dun wana meet new ppl frm other countries, but such short time to mix around is kinda pointless if u ask me. but den i mus say some of the jap girls quite cute. haha. and who was it that said the girl on stage sound like porn star arhh?? =X

tis morning had training, hit balls, drills and such. nth special. went for lunch n pool after that. ooo im looking forward to JC sia.. i wan to know more ppl =) haven been going out with leo sk jonsoh n the rest for quite some time now.. (actually only since cell bonding haha, still...) yah so, maybe tmr going out with kenneth.. i go read "tuesdays wif morrie" liao cya

2007-11-18T22:12:00.000+08:00

juz came back frm cell bonding on sat, then sentosa trip organised by hansel today. so to summarise emotions now, im freaking tired. havent slept for the last 38 hours. but considering i've never not slept the whole night and not made up for the sleep immediately the next morning, its quite understandable. in fact, im dealing well with it prolly cause of the FUN we had. wow.. and we all got emo at nite at like 4.30am (or shd i say morning, nvm) about the splitting of our cells. awww cmon, we can still be like one cell, only official cell discussions are held separate. i hope that is true though, cause i havent been in church for long, so i dun really have experience about what happens when a big cell splits. sk seems to be really upset, cheer up lah, not same cell but same church, maybe not same class but same school. we will never drift apart frm one another =)

okay so other than the emo-ing part, it was pretty fun. especially cell bonding. leaving the most impression after the emo session was the "level 3 IQ test" aka THINK ERRR-LOUD... lawl. i cant believe we spend more than 1 hour letting ppl guess dat lame trick. i got it in 5 mins ^^ proud of myself haha.. *lame, okaynvm* point is, i joint the ones that enjoy viewing the "mental torture" the others had to go tru *evil laugh* and kara's really really BAD! and a good actor i mus say. lolx. poor things.. then i introduced the fuzzy wuzzy one, and soon kara got it quick. we made it very easy, that one. and the night was filled with such lame but entertaining games.

of course before that, we had the all unforgettable TABOO GAME. haha.. i was practically doing little to hide by nervousness by shivering when its my turn. so embarrassing. but who cares haha. nothing to be embarrassed about in my own cell, t thats what the cell is for. amazingly i discovered 3 things: a few pairs of people who have telepathy, that the girls were better at communicating their ideas, and that i suck in that game. hahas.

so it was so fun that from about 1am onwards, i went over to the other room due to some knocking on the walls. apparently, sleeping time was too bored for the girls too. so while some were away talking about important matters, jiayan, sophia, ruiwen and me started playing bridge. its amazing how i dont at all know ruiwen and we can talk to each other as if i've known her the same time sk and leo known her. but it was realli cool. and of course, bluff was a highlight, before the mood was utterly squashed, completely destroyed by the emo moments of thinking about the possibility that both new cells which would be formed in jan/feb next year would slowly, mysteriously, unknowingly drift apart. but im less worried, at least when i compare myself with sk, since i believe God has a plan for us in whatever he does. whatever happens, it happens for a reason. no point trying to worry about tomorrow, "for tomorrow would worry about itself".

so before we knew it, we were like o shyt its 6am and we havent slept a single minute, and ushering is in 1.5 hours. so sk, sheena, me went to prepare for ushering duty. we practically zombied tru the whole thing. it wasnt difficult to catch us all 3 dozing off at the same time. we helped for both services when went to sentosa after.

i must admit sentosa wasnt as fun as i had expected it to be. probably because we had such a great experience at Fun Day 2007 that we forgot that replicating it would not be an easy task. well, yea. we were planning to sleep while sun tanning on the sand, but ended up doing random stuff. still, im thankful for the company and the time we had at sentosa siloso beach. although we were quiet many a times caz all of us are like sleep deprived, and many like me havent slept at all, we could still have fun! i dont like awkward pauses in conversation, they seem to sad, and nowadays i always feel the obligation to revitalize the convo. damn. haha.

after all the stuff, went to sheena house to take my sleeping bags x2, risk and used clothes. they are definitely too heavy to be carried in a single paper bag with two small surface area, string-like handles. pressure on my fingers were really killing me.

so here i am, tired. but nonetheless blogging. i dont wana forget all these stuff before i write them down. and btw i love autosave draft function =) makes me alot more secure. i guess ima crash. and have a GOOD night sleep. prolly wont be going training tmr cause im really really tired.

2007-11-16T18:20:00.000+08:00

heng arh. i was typing a post jus now, (previous one) then press post button liao. when loading i swipe my mouse to the corner n click. shitty reflex, duno what i trying to do. i almost cancelled my entire damn post. lucky it posted liao. phew